I'm sure some of you have heard rumors regarding Trinfinity Corp going through some changes. Here's what's true about it: I have disbanded Trinfinity Corp as a team and as a company on 12/12/16. This was the day everyone was fired and certain individuals were re-hired that very same day, based on their position making absolute sense to the company. If there was no immediate reason for someone to be re-hired, they weren't. Hand-holding was severed.
I haven't felt called to write about this until I would have more clarity regarding where I wish to take Trinfinity's vision next. That has started happening recently, plus I started hearing some distorted rumors come back to me so I figured it is time to make a public statement about this.
One of people's concerns seems to be that I don't want you guys to know what happened to the team. This is not true, it simply hasn't felt relevant to write about this until now. If you've been following my retreats, you will know that I don't have the feeling of fear that would have me hide something crucial from my fellow humans. I love how I feel when I'm being honest and transparent, especially when it's more transparent than people expect, for it gives them permission to also become more honest in their lives.
So, what happened?
Trinfinity Corp started with a vision, supported by a group of friends. It's one thing to start a company with a group of friends, but it's another thing entirely to try to keep that same team all the way into 2035. If you want to change the world, you can't work with everybody.
I don't want to make this sound like the team was inadequate, but it was. It simply was not a match to what I wanted it to achieve. It still isn't. And that's ok. This has nothing to do with the innate worthiness and value and friendship I share with each of these beings. It's simply a contextual, logical observation: you can only win the championships with a team of champions who want to win the game more than they want to sit on the couch and talk about the game or about how well or bad they did.
It's that tricky sense of love, care, and misplaced responsibility combined that had me hold on to this band of brothers and sisters in a less-than-optimal configuration for too long. Misplaced compassion. A change was overdue. I was getting tired.
Death and Re-birth of Trinfinity Corp
During a team-training session with Anurag Gupta and Richard Condon, we were trying to figure out where to take Trinfinity Corp. next, what the current iteration of the mission is, and how to proceed more clearly as a team and get more results.
What arose instead, was clarity on how I had subtly--almost secretly--over the past two years gradually given up on this team. It was a revelation to myself. I was still sustaining its minimum survival with the finances gained from the events that we do, and I still had love and patience for the people involved because they're awesome to hang out with, but I realized very clearly there and then that this just couldn't go on any longer in the way that it had been. I needed a break from these friends and their stories, needs from me, and other patterns.
I felt jaded and tired of being the person to stand up even once more and try to raise everybody's frequency and understanding of the vision. It had started to feel like an uphill battle to me to motivate people to see the vision for themselves, and plug themselves into it independent from me. But after each successful or semi-successful motivational speech from me in the past, the boost of clarity, communication, inspiration and teamwork would start to disappear again after a few days, and the same old stories and in some cases a sense of entitlement would return to the team.
After wearing these too many jackets for months/years (being best friends, inspirational leader, boss, provider, reminder, spiritual teacher) I started to give up on the people because pushing them beyond their comfort zones had never been received very well. But not taking leadership also did not produce any of the results I envisioned. So I accepted a mediocre team for a while.
There has been plenty of petty-mindedness and mistrust within the team. Something I can't really stand, yet I was standing it... Because we are friends and ultimately all of our hearts are in the right place. I can still see the potential of this group even today, and hope they will activate this fully within themselves if they so want to, and re-join me in their own brightness and empowerment later on. I miss them! Such potential. That's one reason I hung in there accepting the mediocrity: I believe in their potential.
But on 12/12, we stopped mid-session as soon as we realized that I had secretly given up on the team in its present configuration, and that I had lost all faith that this team would be able to plug into the same vision that had created the company, with the level of self-transcendence required to see the mission executed.
And so I declared that Trinfinity Corp at this timing was no more, that everyone had lost their job effective immediately, and that I needed a break from the whole thing and the people dynamics as well. I simply could no longer sustain me being the source of other people's motivation anymore. Every tenth of an ounce of that dependency-behavior would now weigh on me like a 100 pound backpack. Every bit of it now felt hyper pronounced. So I realized I had to break from this team completely for a while, get back in my own alignment with source and sever my friends' connection to me as their source, so that they can find their own connection to Source more directly; not through me.
So everyone got fired on the spot. This seemed abrupt and perhaps rude to some, or like I abandoned them, but I felt strangely at peace with this decision and it somehow felt in perfect integrity, because the energy dynamics had it coming, so to speak: it made sense. I had already been too patient for a long time. And now my elastic band had snapped. Nobody could attach themselves to it anymore. For some it seemed sudden, for others it made more sense as they had sensed it coming, perhaps.
It was time for people to start taking care of themselves more independently, and not be hand-held by me at any level and feel entitled to something based on purely being a part of this group. It was time for people to earn their involvement.
More and more I'm feeling the importance of being really exclusive in the people that I work with, in order to be able to serve everyone. This whole idea of love needing to be endlessly patient in any context of life or else you're a dick, is a flawed premise (duh). I've always known this but haven't always acted accordingly. If anything, I've been a bit of a pussy, more than I have been a dick. Excuse the language.
I came here to love people unconditionally, and to let people know they are the One Perfect Infinite Creator. So I didn't want people to misunderstand my undying love for who they really are, and the fact that they are the One Infinite Perfect Creator, by giving them reason to think of my actions or words as being excluding of them. I want everyone to know that they are included. Quite the challenging thematic desire to fit into a goal such as an Enlightened Civilization by 2035, where everyone needs to be on their best game.
Weird as it may sound to some of you, many people look to me as a father figure of sorts. As the spiritually realized channel whose love for them represents a high level of truth or authority. As a result, they are also extra sensitive on any type of judgment I seem to throw their way. People almost always feel uncomfortable around me. And one of humanity's main unresolved psychological confusions still is that criticism is taken to be a value-judgment of how worthy or perfect we are. So it's near-impossible to encourage people to improve their game without making them feel judged or excluded by their--in this case--beloved spiritual father.
As you can see, having simple friends is a luxury in my position, and something that can only happen usually after all this parent-child dynamics have been played out sufficiently, and the members of that group realize that I love them unconditionally even when I criticize them.
I've been called a dick plenty of times in my life by close friends and partners that I have loved more than I've loved my own needs, to know that I don't enjoy this sensation of having my love and true intentions for them be misunderstood to mean that I don't love them, or that the One Infinite Creator doesn't welcome them as being already perfect.
And so I was avoiding generating more of this dick-misperception in this whole Trinfinity Corp situation, with my closest brothers and sisters. But the team was simply not fit for duty. Not the kind of duty we were saying we were up for. Not in its present condition at least. Maybe later...
Exclude to Include
In order to build a space ship that can take everybody up into space, you need an exclusive team of only the best engineers. You need exclusivity to be all-inclusive in your results. You can't build something for everyone utilizing everyone. You need to exclude to include.
And so going forward this is what I intend to be much clearer on within myself and the people I collaborate with, from the get-go. The advantage that I have now versus when I started Trinfinity Corp with a group of friends, is that I can more easily allow myself to make decisions based on performance and productivity, rather than friendship and believing in someone's potential.
Going forward, Trinfinity Corp can actually be based on a group of highly skilled, self-motivated people who live and breathe the vision that founded this company AND who are in the proper mental/spiritual condition and have had the training required to make this happen--for the benefit of everybody. No offense to my former team, for they are truly amazing people and their potential is still very present in my Heart's eye. I could never truly turn my back on them. The future will tell how useful or not useful they will become, but this will never mean I don't welcome them as the One Infinite Creator they are. And I am so grateful for all the challenges we went through together, and the love that kept us together throughout.
I've been envisioning how to proceed, and it is pretty clear to me that I need to set up several teams of people for different divisions, each having leaders I can count on. This has been a rare creation for me: to create someone in addition to myself that I can actually trust knows the vision and lives it with the same degree of self-transcendence and balance.
Many say they are about the vision, but when it comes down to it, they really aren't. Some menial personal issue or inability to clearly communicate always takes precedence. And that's okay, but I simply cannot tolerate this any more if I truly am what I say I am about: The benefit of everyone.
I've already pinpointed a few individuals who I think would be great candidates going forward. And more will show up I'm sure.
And here's my new policy: There may be exceptions to this rule, but in general for at least some time to come, I will not hire anyone. I will not pay people to execute the vision. I want powerful creators to co-create with me. These people don't generally need money and most importantly aren't doing it for the money nor to be comfortable.
I want to lead with clear directive, but I don't want to hold hands or have people be dependent on me for their financial well-being anymore. It has always put pressure on me and distorted the relationships somewhat. It just has a tendency to get personal or complacent. If you're about the vision, you're about the vision and you will have no problem creating a source of income for yourself to allow you to contribute to this vision.
If you are the right person for this journey and you wish to work together with me, I will find you if you contain the right vibrational qualities. I'll be drawn to you like a magnet. So here's the best way to collaborate with what Trinfinity Corp is to become during and after it's rebirthing phase: Radiate what you are to the fullest of your ability. If your radiance includes all the right qualities, you will find me, or I will find you. The more you worry that this won't happen, the more it won't happen. The more you know it will happen because it's meant to--and if it truly is--the sooner it'll happen.
There are money rumors. Like I'm blowing all the donation money. Let's be clear here: For years I have invested my personally generated income into the projects, the friends that started working together with me, the trips, accommodation, needs, etc. I'm literally the most generous and fearless person I know financially. I've poured hundreds of thousands of dollars that I could have saved for personal consumerism into ideas that had no promise of working out, and people that had no promise of working out. I've helped out many along the way. There would be too many inspiring stories to tell you, but they're there every day.
I have to chuckle when people who believe 50k is an endless amount of money ask me what happened with the 50k that was donated to the crowdfunding. That took care of exactly less than 2 months of minimum payroll, not including myself. As you know, I made Trinfinity Academy free because I believed in the generosity of this community and their willingness to make a real change.
Part of my past jadedness has been the apparent lack of action taken by this community of people who study my work and whose future I'm trying to be of service to. They also say they want to change the world, but when it comes down to their vibrational or financial vote, many are nowhere to be found. I have had higher expectations from this community than they've been able to meet. That's adjusted now. But here are some numbers for your information:
In a community of 16,000 people (and a larger 'fanbase' of around 300,000) it would only take $100 out of everyone's pocket to manifest 1.6-30 million dollars. We've raised $50,000. That equates to about $3 per member of our FB community group, or $0.18 per person who likes my facebook page. That's what a New Earth is worth to this community of advanced beings on average: between 18 cents and 3.2 dollars.
Meanwhile, I literally put tens of thousands of dollars in per month, out of money I make having become who I have become, dedicated to being a teaching-machine, having as many tools for you as possible all laid out there, giving the retreats that I give, etc. I have not taken any money from the crowdfunding for my personal use, in fact, I have been pouring money from my events into Trinfinity Corp and everything related to continuing this movement with little financial support from other sources (so far).
Just as I'm tired of taking on the source of inspiration for this movement within my own team, I'm also tired of doing so on behalf of the wider community. If people don't want the change for themselves, why would I infringe upon that by doing it for them? These are the thoughts that I've had and I think they are fair reflections to offer back, to hopefully again inspire you to take ownership of this New Earth. Walk your talk. Join us in more than just thoughts.
It's okay to know we cannot count on everyone...
So again this makes it clear to me that I cannot count on the average joe to make a movement change the world: you have to work with the select few who get it. You may get a lot of praisers, but those are simply not indicative of the number of people that actually have your back and who are ready to co-create this thing with you no matter what it takes.
This is my self-created belief to some extent and I'm trying to be as open as I can to it being proved wrong, but I find it is still very rare to find someone who has become self-transcendent in their generosity, willingness, faith and commitment to the greater vision. And looking at everything that was required for me to be challenged and every moment of commitment I required to create over and over again in my own life to get to the level of clarity and emptiness of self e that I am today, I am not surprised that it is still a rare find. It takes a lot of pressure to become a diamond. Not only random pressure either; a very specific, well-guided and well-listened to utilized pressure/catalyst. It requires a rare combination of qualities, along with time and specific types of experiences, to make one ready to truly be of service and lose all self(-image) attachment.
Raising Money, and Working with People
So that's what I'll do more going forward: I'll focus on working with the best, and with the most generous. I'm tired of 'raising awareness of getting the community to donate money.' It feels bad, because it doesn't flow enough. If it actually flowed much better than it did, and I would see real action come out of our community, it could be a greatly inspiring thing to raise inspiration like that every couple of months. But with a community who say they want change but refuse to truly participate at large, it feels like begging. And I'm not going to beg for people's New Earth if they don't desperately want that Earth.
This all being said, a big thanks to those who did donate is definitely in order. Those who did show up and put in their money and their vibrational vote; I thank you for caring about your own and others' future in this way. I will continue creating this vision on your behalf, along with you, for your children's sake, and their children's children's sake.
Many thanks also to those who are persistent mouthpieces on our behalf: those who are willing to roll up their sleeves and inspire the rest of the community to contribute, so that I don't always have to be the one to remind people who they need to become to shift into a parallel Earth for their own future's sake. A few minds come to mind especially. Thanks for being ambassadors and believing in what we are and what we'll accomplish.
So again, going forward, I now am much more aware of the fact that I cannot yet count on this community. It's simply not ready yet. I love you just as much as when I was more naive, and I still see you as perfect. But from a contextual, work-based and/or generosity-based point of view, our community is still too self-absorbed and entrenched in lack-beliefs. As advanced as it is--it may even be one of the most advanced spiritual communities on the planet at this time at least of all the ones I have visited--it still isn't up to the level it needs to be at to carry it's own collective desired vision into execution. You still need shepherds. You still need leaders. I will find them for you.
Condemn these words as coming from a place of victimhood if you so desire, but I ask you to consider if this reflection is not in any way just and helpful? Look around you, look within you... at the end of the day, how much have you sacrificed to tangibly contribute and make a difference in this community and along with Trinfinity Corp? Cheering us on from distance is great, but it's not the same as making a difference and putting skin in the game.
And actually, I don't care if you never put any real skin in the game: I will continue to love you more than you probably love yourself at this timing, and I am not actually jaded. I just sound like it. I'm still voting for you. This is all part of me trying to motivate you again to take on ownership for your precious New Earth. If I was truly jaded, I would not have written this. I care about you. Always will. It's why I came here.
Special Training Program - Training Creators
So, instead of naively counting on the passion of this community to turn into real numbers and real action by mere calls-to-action, I am looking to create a special training program that will cost you money to participate in. It'll prove your willingness, and readiness, and it may fund some of our projects.
There may be a hundred or so people who already tend to come to 70% of all the retreats I host. Might as well offer them a package deal where all regular retreats are included plus they get exclusive access to a smaller community of like-minded, truly committed individuals, and get intermittent special training and access to myself, Anurag, other facilitators, and the core team.
In this way we can start to work together with those who truly are willing to put and lose some skin in the game. Exclusivity for the sake of inclusivity. We can start to bond over retreats and share in a group that's much more private. This will give us a pool of people to over time pick a handful of powerful co-creators from as well.
I AM excited to make things happen whether or not the majority is willing to participate. So I will work together with those I can count on. Those who are intrinsically motivated and don't make this about them. Shepherds. True servants. Powerhouses. Non-egoes. Now I feel my perspective is less naive, less romantic, more realistic. And I have had to adjust as a result, but I think I am adjusted now and focused on appointing and working together with those who can make some real changes.
Don't get me wrong, a lot of beautiful stuff has evolved through this community, but I am focusing on what isn't up to par yet, so that we may improve our game and relieve suffering for millions and millions more. We owe that to them. We have to be critical of ourselves, without losing the love for ourselves. Those who are ready to serve, will consequently also embrace this type of scrutiny and reflection and desire it.
I may not be very active online for the remainder of February, as there is a 80% probability that I'll be in a Darkness retreat myself, and who knows how I'll get out of that, but as of now, I feel excited to start some new teams. Who knows, you might be on one.
Much love, and with truly great lightness and joy in my heart :-)