My Experience at a Bentinho Massaro Retreat - A Participant's Detailed Journey

The following is an in-depth account written by Ivo Slangen of his stay and participation at Bentinho Massaro's 6-day Residential retreat in the Netherlands, July 10-16, 2017

The following report was originally posted by Ivo in this super accelerated Facebook group. Request to join if you haven't already, it's a truly mature and beautiful community.

A Story about a Retreat


Although it will be hard to convey the non-linear craziness that happened during the Netherlands retreat I want to try to cover that magic in a somewhat linear story. I also have to say: every time I share these longer stories part of me is disgusted. There is no way out of this at the moment: I am conscious of posting, I am conscious of not posting. So here's my innocence and here's my pretense.

What you will get from reading this rather long piece is hopefully a sense of

  1. How magical a Bentinho retreat can be; 
  2. What it means to enter into a relationship with your guru and how he reflects all your untruth;
  3. How others do that too;
  4. How everything starts to reflect you, and; 
  5. What happens when you channel your calling. 

(The answer is bliss. When you are your calling bliss ensues automatically. If you have trouble doing the Absolute Neti Neti and meditation is not attractive to you, you can experience the state of Self too by channelling your calling.)

In Baarlo I and 500 others met in a space where we could experience ourselves as ourself and as the other, and be part of a divinely guided orchestration of infinite intelligence. All was arranged.

In short: it was amazing and it was painful. It was totally not what I expected, but exactly what I needed. I experienced magic and synchronicities on so many levels it is impossible to describe them all, and during a finale at the end of the retreat I looked at my own soul through someone else and met my destiny.

My intention for this retreat - the end of me - was fulfilled, in an instant. My old life was flushed, for I realized the Truth, and all untruth paled and disintegrated in the blink of an eye.

Arriving at the Venue

Arriving at the venue and checking in was already magical: to see so many people and familiar faces from the Facebook community together. Hugging people intensely that you've only known virtually, but feeling so at ease and heartfelt upon connecting physically too. I had arrived Monday afternoon to set up my tent and in the evening people gathered outside, socially, when suddenly Bentinho and Jocelyn arrived. An air of unreality descended upon the evening, like two elvish beings warped spacetime into a plane of heightened awareness. Yet here was also my first shoot of pain when they passed me by an inch and didn't turn an eye, like I was completely non-existent.

Later at night when I went to my tent, the energies were so high, I meditated joyously and before I got to sleep I could feel enormous ET-presence. I've never experienced clear cut ET-contact, but I have felt them working on me in my sleep, and this I felt again that night. 
Upon waking up and going in for the first session, the energy was extremely palpable.

From my notes:
"Woke up several times. Powerful energies. As if light beings were working on me. At 5AM a beautiful symphony of birds and beasts started. At 6 I did a meditation, effortless. I felt powerful waves of bliss. Had to think about the black holes/portals of Ben & Jocelyn moving about, creating this high frequency bubble, or dome. Plus light beings from above. So happy, very giggly."

Right from the start there was this sense that somehow they covered the whole castle and grounds in a magical spell, wherein the One Infinite Intelligence could flow and we were all able to accelerate our destinies, get to know the right people, and execute our higher self tasks.

I also reminded myself of why I was here at the retreat. My intention was: the end of me. So I was very determined not to get distracted by the whole social thing, and also not by being 'someone' in relation to Bentinho.

I remind myself: all this happening, an illusion. The only thing: stay with yourself. INWARD. Make that more real. That’s why you are here. Be stubborn, be asocial. Don’t waste time of this precious opportunity. Practice. Use it. Punch holes. Enjoy.

I exactly got what I asked for when during the first session Bentinho pressed us to make a vow. To do something that messed up your routine and shook up your egoic personality. To bypass the mind and drop right into the heart. He gave some examples, like not brushing your teeth all week, changing you sleeping schedule, eating less or skipping meals, asking a question (if you are shy) - anything that went against your flow and felt unnatural, like a big stretch. In general he recommended to be in silence, at least until the 'workshop' sessions in the afternoon. Not just to be in silence, but to be aware of not speaking.

"Have a gentle Buddha smile, it opens the crown," he would say.

Himself, he vowed not to speak this retreat outside of his own sessions (this changed the day after into partial silence). This hurt again, because it crushed my phantasies of getting a chance to speak with my guru and connect with him. I noticed my inwardness was immediately challenged. Not only by my relation with Bentinho but also by this beautiful woman who sat beside me that first session that, combined with the energy that already pervaded the room, made me feel like I was in heaven, surrounded by angelic beings. Later that day I noticed that I got attached to that feeling, and was focussed on reliving the presence of this girl.

So much for not being involved in the 'social thing' 🙂

My challenge to myself; my vow

What also hurt was the vow. I decided not to drink coffee, but that was a somewhat safe choice, because I already noticed coffee added this disturbing layer of adrenaline onto an already perfect smooth energy. So to challenge myself, I knew I had to do something more and again I was confronted with my ego.

Before this retreat I had spent days (I wish I exaggerated, but no) looking to buy some shirts and sweaters to wear, in order to feel comfortable around people. I couldn't deny that I was so involved with my own presentation in relation to others, that I felt challenging myself on this would give me the most benefit. So the idea came up to just join the sessions next day in my jogging pants, flip flops and a white t-shirt and not spending much time doing my hair. But the whole idea of not dressing up was very unpleasant to me.

From my notes:
"Are you here for appearances or for the end of YOU?!?!
Dang it. I feel silly and paranoid, thinking: what if they are laughing their asses off, when people do these exercises, making fools of themselves."

I let it rest for then to decide the day after.

Anurag Gupta, Rapid-Fire Facilitator

Anurag Gupta, Rapid-Fire Facilitator

During the Ryan and Anurag session later that day we were encouraged to step into non-linearity and to see what happens. To be fully in the moment, without pretense. To give up completely all expectations. 

To be willing to see where that takes you. 
To notice it when you are planning, when you are having a 'from A to B to C' - thought. 
To just flow with the now and be you.

After those afternoon sessions I tried this. Not to spent (too much) thought about where to eat, when to eat, where to sit, but just flow with the moment, follow my desire of what felt basically good. I ended up at a table and had a wonderful conversation about ascension, disclosure, timelines. This person was relatively knew to Bentinho but had already bought a ticket for Sedona, reflecting back to me that I could just buy a ticket too without knowing how and what to do there.

Then after dinner I found a guy sitting alone that I had connected with earlier, spending time next to him in silence before a session. Another great conversation ensued and we had similar minds and desires and our hearts opened up fully within minutes. It felt wonderful to meet this male friend, like a true gift, a great bestowal from above.

Right after we had a beautiful evening session where Bentinho guided a meditation that involved only surrender and receiving. Instead of going for the Absolute with single pointed awareness this was about receiving the Light of God in complete faith and knowing that it is done. All your desires fulfilled, like that.

It brought me great spacious visions, and in that moment suddenly I saw myself in Sedona with the person I had just met, being roommates and becoming best buddies. It felt so good, knowing it was already done.

I also had a visual of a big radiotelescope loading up with this blue laserbeam, ready to shoot - but not shooting. The potential in the group was palpable.


Waking up in my tent that morning, lots of rain, hardly slept, I was still undecided about the vow of not caring about my clothes. My mind started bargaining. Why would I do this vow, was it really necessary? Why make things so uncomfortable for myself? Wouldn't I ruin all chances of connecting with Bentinho and co if I looked like an idiot? Wasn't this retreat supposed to be fun - forgetting for a moment that I was here for the end of me.

I randomly opened the one book that I brought and caught this passage: 
"When it comes to spirituality, it is not a matter of applying for a job, of dressing up to impress our potential employer. Such deception does not apply to an interview with a guru, because he sees right through us. He is amused if we dress up especially for the interview."





So I went to take a shower and afterwards kept on my jogging pants and flip flops. It was pouring rain and I walked the court under this broken umbrella, feeling naked and looking like a fool, and suddenly this great exhilaration and giddiness came over me. I walked past people returning from yoga class and I had nothing to communicate but my smile and my love and my 'unpresentable' self.

It was fucking beautiful.

It was such a relief.

It got so hilarious.

Later on during the retreat it became quite comfortable wearing jogging pants and not spending a thought about it, so I decided to switch back and play around with it for a bit. It was interesting to notice that every time when I had just one thought about what to wear, the mind came in (and thus the whole world): which shirt to wear, what trousers, how do I look.

In the afternoon we did a powerful practice of how when something is not showing up in your reality, or when it's something you don't like, it still is exactly what you want. So whenever catalyst happens, you can try this: take full responsibility and claim it.

So I wrote down: 'I want to go to Sedona.'

And: 'I don't want to go to Sedona.'

The latter also felt true! Because part of me was still hesitant, not ready, not really ready, not like pack-your-bags-now ready and really leave my partner and apartment in Amsterdam.

Everything is your intention reflected back at you!
Every single thing in your life!!!

Doesn't that feel gooooood? O yes, because it is TRUE.

While listening to the rest of the co-creation session of the afternoon I became distracted by the intense energies going on in the room. I felt some stomach pain, then it cleared up, broke into laughter. I also automatically hooked up with the person next to me. Although we didn't say a word, and she was also responding to what was happening on stage, I could sense that on another level we were deeply engaged in cleaning and clearing up energies. She started laughing, I felt pain. She cried, I cleared up. It was beautiful.

This happened more and more during the sessions, where one part of me was half aware of the stage and on another level all this deep healing and synchronizing was going on. I thoroughly enjoyed that and it has been one the greatest eye-openers for me. Sometimes I hardly heard what was said, being fully in presence-awareness, churning energies, or going further inward, reaching I-I levels. Sometimes I sat like a rock for an hour with eyes closed and a Buddha smile.

Ecstatic Dance Party...

In the evening there was the first ecstatic dance party. Before the retreat I had been skeptical of the party-elements, even treating it at as an excuse not to come down in physical presence but follow via livestream. Now I understand how essential they were. Not just for integrating and embodying all the new codes and frequencies, but also to gain deeper understanding of following your bliss through your body.

I had never done this before, dancing in silence, on bare feet, trying to be totally inward and not minding others. It was challenging at first but it really helped to go back to stillness when you lost your flow by having a thought about someone or something. To just stop and bring yourself back to a simple sway, waiting for another movement, even as slight as the moving of your pinkie. After 20 minutes I thought: 'this is not going anywhere', only to see an epic dance adventure unfolding out of nothing.

I had a blast.

At the start of the evening I had been totally aware of the girl I had gotten attached to the day before, and having spotted her in the corner, I was going to make my way up to her, my mind planning all sorts. Yeah lol. Until she suddenly vanished and I didn't see her anymore all night.

I'm 36, and this is hilarious. I need to hug more men 😉

After the last song I was relaxing and grounding from the vibes, but still part of me was busy looking for her. I sat near the side, eyes closed, feeling the vibes settle, until I opened them again and there she was! Right in my field of vision, in the middle of the room, completely in bliss with some male counterpart, totally in unison.


Ivo was quite hurt, but he also got exactly what he wanted and that was hilarious! He had entertained the thought of desiring a union, maybe even a physical one, who knows, but another part of him didn't want to get involved with anyone at all, being here for the end of himself. How did the two even relate?

So quite naturally I got rid of that attachment, with a short pang of hurt, but upon understanding this, without feeling anything unresolved or spiteful towards her and her new found bliss partner. My heart opened, and letting go happened instantly.

"We only need catalyst, because we are too comfortable,"
Bentinho had said.

Let that sink in.


I had come to this retreat expecting more of the Absolute neti neti and teachings in line with the Sedona school, but we got a lot of mixed approaches. One that I liked but also confused me was the practice of receiving the light and knowing that it is done. How did that relate to the discipline and consistency of the Sedona school sessions? A question arose.

Now Bentinho brought forth another approach: the other way of Self-Realization is not so much to practice it, but to will it. To transcend it simply by sheer will, by one-pointedness. Everything in this Universe is Free Will, and thus this one-pointedness is extremely powerful: you can puncture the containers just by willing it. You might not understand at first, but it will sink in later.

Then he started painting the Absolute again, and as happens lately every time when Bentinho puts words to these experiences I could feel myself slipping away.

"Existence becomes so tiny, a speck in the vastness of You, the Infinite, the MOST INTIMATE you..."


In the afternoon I noticed a certain lull in myself, like the first wave of merging of energies was out-stabilized. For a moment I had enough of all the smiles, and I noticed it was probably resistance coming up, after being inward for three days now. I reminded myself to see everyone in the highest light and I used another pointer by Bentinho that became a great permission slip for me to deal with anything.

You want to know my secret? I don’t mind what happens.
— Bentinho quoting Jiddu Krishnamurti

In the afternoon Anurag rounded up his approach of the flow state as the ultimate state of grace of being yourself. When you are you, you have no idea of doing, it is just you.

I had an epiphany when someone shared that whenever we are in our calling and hold that frequency, we open the space for someone else to feel that calling. Something clicked upon hearing that: that we really need not DO anything. When we are in our core frequency our waves will take care of everything. We literally create the space of our calling, effecting others to recognize that frequency, and 'benefit' from it.

Being is beaming.

We also did eye-gazing exercises and that was an interesting experience to. Both me and my partner saw demonic troll faces appearing in the other, like a broken mirror conjuring up weird images.

That night Bentinho's new partner Jocelyn came on stage for the first time, and it was pure regality to see them sitting there together. Everybody seemed to feel the utter beauty of humanity connected, like an ancient people before their King and Queen. It was a reverence not from dull obedience or blind admiration, but an uplifting one, uniting everyone in a profound connectedness. Jocelyn & Bentinho were simply representations of Union on this physical plane, exemplifying the Feminine and Masculine.

Everybody happy.

"No mind. Just be. So much love."


This was the day of the already famous Mary Magdalene session and the intense collective healing, but for me it was also a day of personal challenge: of asking a question and (feeling like) being ignored completely.

Let me get into that first.

Already the day before a question had come up, but this day I felt like really sharing something about my relationship that felt very relevant. Because like many I am not at ease of speaking in public and still have remnants of 'performance anxiety', I thought it was also a nice challenge for me to ask a question.

At the same time I was fully aware that by wanting to ask a question I was bringing myself into play and this turned into a most excruciating torture game with myself. Whenever there was room for a question I felt myself a bit wavering, doubting my motivation and also the contribution of my story, but whenever someone else came on stage I felt myself comparing their question and story to mine. Seeing my story as increasingly valuable I got more and more fired up and really wanted to be asked, only to reprimand myself for being so egotistically involved. Then I would give up asking a question altogether, only to try again a next round.

It often happened that when I didn't raise my hand it seemed I had missed the perfect opportunity and then when I did raise it, Bentinho seemed to deliberately look only in the other half of the room. At some point I seemed to be the only one raising an arm and I thought for sure it's my turn now, when he just overlooked me, waiting for someone else to pop up. 
I think I put my hand up 25 times that day, to no avail.

During a break I walked outside frustrated, when suddenly one of the peacocks that roamed the castle grounds showed all its colors. But not to me, I looked at its behind. Whenever I tried to go round him, he turned around too, only showing me his peacock asshole. Only when I turned and give up, he turned too, showing his full radiating beauty in my direction too.

Not just the guru, not just other people, but everything becomes your teacher. Everything will reflect you. It is the most intense and bizarre thing. Do you come from a place of wholeness, of giving, of abundance? Or are you wanting and lacking and hunting? Are you fulfilled with emptiness or are you full of hunger? Everything teaches you.

Whenever I was looking for something or someone during this retreat, I felt I was placing myself outside of the magic, hunting for the ego fulfillment. Whenever I let go, stayed in my completeness and followed my bliss from that place, not needing anything, beautiful things happened.

So... the Magdalene session. 

Yes. It was magnificent.

Something from the collective opened up there big time and it was beautiful to experience. Myself, I felt no emotional release during that session, just a perfect crystal clearness. I kept thinking: give it to me, give it to me, I can take it, bring it on. I connected with both my female neighbors, holding hands, creating a grid, being and holding the space. For those of you who don't know what happened, there is a video out now. You can watch the whole thing, it's beyond words.

In the evening, there was the itch of asking a question again and I scratched foolishly again, only to get burned a couple of times more. By now it became hilarious to see Ivo suffer that much.

"Call everything by the same name," Bentinho said.

So I said: everything is Love at Work.

Everything happens in my best interest.




And it felt so good.

Because it is so so true.


In the morning I had perhaps my low point of the week. Frustrated with not being able to ask my question and my body exhausted with the constant adrenaline rushes, I woke up cranky, which was quite unusual.

At home I can be moody, swinging multiple times a day, but here my base frequency was peace and happiness, that easily burst into bliss and sheer laughter. To see someone and simply start giggling was quite common - the vibe was ultra high. Some people even looked like drug addicts, just staring into bliss with this dumb look on their face. Eating was a real trouble for some; I ate less the whole retreat, with zero cravings happening. 

I also noticed - back at home - that I'd had no physical ailments that week. Usually I have some digestive problems, some congestion of sinuses. Nothing of that!

Ayla teaching yoga

Ayla teaching yoga

So I went to yoga and had a wonderful session. As a side note, the yoga Ayla teaches is the most simple but profound bodywork I have come upon. It touches all the infinite layers of you. Painful and confrontational, but so wholesome and full of love.

Something cleared and I had a nice big cry that session, which was about opening the root chakra and embracing that fearful part of you.

Feeling all cleansed the Bentinho session opened with beautiful piano play, and I realized - lovingly - how I had been a fool. I had been a fool, wanting to be on stage, wanting to add myself into the equation, and (de)evaluating others and their contributions. I got so attached to being picked by Bentinho. To share something incredibly beautiful and uplifting about my relationship, and gain recognition from the whole crowd. And to have a testament of being on stage, of being there.

From this place of completeness I realized how unnecessary that was. 
With the soothing tones of the piano I felt like bowing in humility to all of humanity.

Then there was part II of the collective healing, this time set in motion by two men, sharing their experiences raw and ballsy. A woman was directed on stage by the Infinite One to channel a powerful call for men to embrace their feminine. Only by hugging each other, we can heal the black holes inside of us, she urged.

Everywhere in the room the men hugged. It was great.

Still, one hug doesn't solve all, and again I was in the thrall of a certain female person. It gets repetitive, I know, I just mention it because this is how it goes. Sometimes all it takes is to look into a pair of eyes and upon sensing a certain vulnerability, in a second I get hooked and pulled outwards into that soothing softness of the female other.

So I decided to go sit next to her, bringing myself in, only to get shredded again. It was less painful this time, I was looking for it deliberately. To get rid of it. To face the pain, bring it to presence, and release it automatically. Like the yoga in the morning. To burn it now and not bring it to the dance evening and be in chasing mode all night.

In the afternoon Bentinho addressed the difference between wanting something and wanting something badly. Nothing special, but it made me realize how black and white we can be: what about empowerment and realizing your dreams when we should discard everything and stay in the formless I-I?

You can have your joy. You can have your cake and you can even eat it too. But if things don't go your way, you simply don't mind. 
You are perfectly fine. 
You are complete.

Either meditate or play.

The whole struggle between enlightenment and empowerment is resolved in that dichotomy.

Life is simple.

In the last afternoon session with Ryan I partnered up with my male friend buddy - we had been most excellent in catching up briefly each day and then giving each other space to freely roam- to find out we had to describe ourselves as being a character in a movie. It was awesome to have a 7 minute summary of his life - we had hardly exchanged 3d life details - only to find out that the whole story didn't quite matter - that our connection was pure frequency based.

I can relate to this guy better than to any of my friends, and when we facetime now it feels like the most natural thing.

That happens when callings relate.

If you don't get this by now: frequency-based living is awesome. Having tasted that for a whole week there is nothing else I want anymore.

Party night

Everything geared up for the big party that night. There was something very powerful and potent in the air, upon entering the dance floor. Other people felt it too, swirling around in the middle, like there was a vortex spinning already. It took Bentinho some time to open the evening and I had a hard time containing all the energy, feeling like a tiger in a cage.

After a beautiful intro where Bentinho encouraged us to anchor in our highest callings and then let go, to let the One do his work and orchestrate, we were set loose. The music picked up, and we followed our trails. Still I could not find a continuous groove that evening: I sort of went in and out of dancing, feeling into the room, sensing what was up, what was happening.

There was someone that I had wanted to speak with all week, knowing her from the community and wanting to exchange thoughts. We met right off at Monday but hadn't spoken all week, although there were several times we made eye contact. But every time, it felt like: not yet, not yet. Then, the dance evening coming to a close, she was lingering in front of me, and I went up to her asking if she liked to have a talk. 

She did.

We chatted a bit but quickly became engaged in this truthful conversation about our callings. We had the same one: people experiencing truth, although she used a beautiful metaphor instead of the word itself. We exchanged thoughts about the teachings and Sedona, and while talking with her, one light after the other went on. There was so much connection and aliveness happening.

At one point she exclaimed: o my God, you are just like me! The engagement became very non verbal, we looked each other into the eyes, laughing, I said I was feeling this very intense energy coming up and she felt it too. So we stood there, eyes closed, almost dizzy with vibrations, while the music went on around us.

I brought Sedona up again, asking why she wasn't there. She said she wasn't sure: she absolutely loved Bentinho and wanted to be with him.

I said I loved him too, enormously. I remember using that specific word, enormously - it sounded dumb then already but unmistakenly true. I went on saying how this week had been amazing for me, how I had really felt like being at home.

Then I had the weirdest sensation: something I can only describe as a mixture of dissolvement and destiny. Everything in the room seemed to disappear, but this moment of complete recognition: I realized, within an instant, that my old life was over, flushed, just like that. That my future was in Sedona and somehow connected to her.

When I expressed to her what was happening, while it was happening, it was as if the One spoke through me, a voice saying the words, not me. I felt in complete 100% alignment, like never before. As if walking a bridge that is constructed right under your feet, as you move, but feeling more like the bridge itself than as the one moving. The music in perfect synch, and time opening up as space, as a solid timeless structure, to be seen from all sides simultaneously, while reality unfolds on the inside.

We looked at each other, eyes wide open, burst into laughing, hugged, burst into laughing again.

Yet there was my mind also, racing to catch up with the terminal velocity of the One Infinite.

Is this meant to be? 
Does this mean we have to stay together now? 
How does this work? 
Does she understand?
Are we on the same level? 
Is this real?

We stood there for some time, suspended, and then she told me she had to pee. I laughed and my whole body vibrating with power I walked to the side, almost faltering, engulfed in ecstatic bliss. I sat down and closed my eyes. A voice boomed, with massive delay:







These words echoed, with this low ultra deep quality, as if from the depths of time and space the Universe uttered a truth so complete it was eternal, set in stone, swallowing everything else. As if it had found its other primordial half.

O how beyond it was! 
And at the same time so intimate. 
So close, so utterly and devastatingly close!!

When she came back from the toilet she had dropped into her more regular self again and things came to a bit of an awkard end when she abruptly left with her friends. Afterwards I realized better how intense and lightly insane I must have had sounded. I told her she had to go to Sedona and I had to go to Sedona - there was nothing to it, it was simpy the truth. I also thought we were going to talk for hours! Making plans, you know, arranging our destinies.

I see better now: that it was the mind who brought in all sorts of ideas, of being together, of planning, of making things happen. When, how and what. I see and feel now that none of those circumstances matter. That it was a moment of pure soul fulfillment. That there was, is and will never be anything to add to it or detract from it. That it was utterly complete, as if a whole life, a thousand lives, were captured in that one single moment.

124 copy.jpg

Yet still in the thrill of this 'broken off' channeling I was quite flustered, although the universe lovingly arranged to sent two angels that provided me with the right after care. Someone came up to me to ask if I was alright, and it was nice to share some of it immediately. Later I stumbled upon the campfire outside, where people were chilling and dancing and I was instantly cuddled. Warmed by the fire and the love in the circle I could ground this epic completion into my being.


Feeling infinitely grateful yet still somewhat vulnerable and shaken up I did my yoga class and had breakfast after outside on a bench. 

I sat beside a woman I had talked to earlier in the week, when she had broken into a conversation I had with my male buddy, remarking on how nice it was to hear two males discuss feelings and emotions. It opened up a nice talk about male and female energies, before it became a topic on stage: all those things were already in the ether.

Having breakfast now, she asked me if I spoke, and I nodded no, but gestured that I could listen.

Perhaps this is relevant, that I listened without being able to talk back.

She shared how powerful the silence had been for her, and how she could feel all those things happening underneath. She said she was not going to resist the ripples, while she moved closer to me. 

What followed then was a 40 minute session of one of the most intimate and intense cuddling I have ever experienced. We put our cheeks together, I caressed her arm, touched her hands. At times she had to cry, take a tissue and pause, then the cuddling continued in a slightly different position. I stroked her back, buried my head between her shoulders. It all felt so good, so extremely soft and tender and good.

There was even this climax where we both squeezed each other tightly a couple of times, before letting go and going separate ways again, in silence. After the final session that day I came upon her by accident. 'We healed the world', she said, and we gave each other a big hug, before she left, saying her children were waiting.

Somehow I still feel I only scratched the surface with this story of a retreat, but perhaps this last experience was closest to the general vibe of that magical week: wordless communication.

The further into the retreat and especially after the Magdalene sessions it was not uncommon at all to see strangers having the most intimate moments. Left and right you could see people hugging and caressing each other, falling into these intense moments with each other, ignoring everything and everyone else for long periods of time. You could see people eye-gazing in the dinner room, with plates untouched, forks and knives suspended in the air, food still on it. When you walked by again 20 minutes later they were still sitting there. I saw people laying on the dance floor in the middle of the party, staring wordlessly into each others eyes for ages and eons.

There was no time in this place.

This was heaven.

And I'm infinitely grateful that this retreat gave me that experience. Contrary to what I thought I was looking for - that is, more direct and controlled experience of the Absolute - it taught me how to BE in relation to others. How to open up and exchange, without being a person. To have non-personal communication, to have an intimacy of selves, beyond lack and before need.

From day one I had felt like a fish in the water. Just radiating love and seeing everything being arranged, because all was coming from the cleanliness of our hearts.

And then we were done, we packed our bags.

Could we bring this home?

Back in the World

I have to add another story line here because the magic continued, the ripples creating all sorts of powerful effects.

So bear with me a little longer, it is worth it...

I have to give a short sketch of my home situation:
My partner and I have been in the process of letting go of each other for almost a year now. We have a beautiful relationship, but we also feel it is somehow finished and our paths might be diverging. We both wish for each other the highest, most expansive choices, even if this involves going separate ways after seven years of intense sharing.

Two weeks before the retreat my partner told me she had suddenly fallen in love with someone and wanted to pursue that desire. She wanted to experience falling in love and riding that out completely. 

My first response had been excitement. It was so beautiful to see her in that space of total recognition of her desire. Then, on second thought, I could feel the jealousy, the fear and the pain coming in too but all in all that was a rather dim appearance compared to the light of that truth.

We understood then that we could never lose each other. That we could always meet in this frequency of our higher selves, whatever the circumstances.

Before I went for the retreat, I released her and our relational contract of not sleeping with anybody else. I was going for the end of me, and not knowing how I returned as well, it only felt natural to reciprocate the same freedom.

So driving back to Amsterdam, knowing that she might have had a date, I could feel the tension in my stomach already. Did it happen? What would I find home? Would there still be a home?

Meet Ivo Slangen (author of this article): far right side of this picture.

Meet Ivo Slangen (author of this article): far right side of this picture.

Strange as it was to enter the bustling city again, even stranger my apartment appeared. Everything in it felt completely meaningless, like something from another plane of existence, a stale and deadish dimension. My partner had a sense of unrealness too, although hugging her felt good.

Right off the bat I asked if she had seen him, but she hadn't. In fact, she had been in pain all week. Aware of the self-creating drama but unable to resolve it, she had spent the week being chased by thoughts of losing me completely. Of being left behind in the 3d world, while I was off exploring galaxies, with new friends and people and a new soul mate.

I told her I did have a destiny meeting. And I also added: you know with whom. Weeks before she had made a remark about this very person, in a way predicting my connection with her, and now she responded at once with that same name.

It was beautiful, it brought instant relief in the field.

Because - and you should know this by now 🙂 - it was true.

And because it was true she could accept it, and we met in this higher frequency of truth, just as before we could. Then I was able to communicate freely what I had experienced all week, not thinking about how she would perceive things, just telling it how it was. Everything. And she was able to catch on.

While still at the dinner table, I suddenly dropped into the most intense bliss wave I have experienced until now, much more even than at the retreat. I just fell silent, my eyes closed and I was engulfed with pure ecstasy. I started laughing. I started laughing so incredibly hard, I couldn't hold it. And she started laughing too. Slipstreaming in the vibration of truth she could insta-feel the bliss waves and recognize the essence of the retreat, the pervasive light and love.

In total peace we went to bed.

Then in the morning I sensed her wanting to make love to me. Yet I was determined not to let the world back in that quickly and to stay inward, deaf for any wantings, those of my partner included. I reflected her desire back to her, asking if she could stay with the feeling of desire, without wanting to have it go away. Without it having to be fulfilled by me.

She tried. And then the One Infinite took over from me and what ensued was a spontaneous channeling where 'I' guided my girlfriend into her Divine Feminine.

I cannot describe it otherwise.

With words and gestures I reconnected her with her innermost self, leading to a powerful climax where she started shaking and laughing and crying deeply and uncontrollably, in full surrender. 
It was the most beautiful thing to see, and I could feel she had deeply healed and reconnected with a part of herself. In her own words: she felt a blissful energy that made orgasm into an insignificant detail.

I was amazed myself, never having done anything like that. I am way too self conscious to improvise, but everything just flowed by itself.

Since then all week she has been in that state. She is even more blissful than I am (kind of annoying, true). Whenever truth is spoken, she responds with a fire between her thighs, that is sexual but at the same time much much more. It is a complete and wholesome sensuality, an embracing of her feminine and a being moved from the inside. Her natural way of moving is more like dancing! It is very exciting to watch and be around.

So free, so shameless, so powerful.

Women, all of you, embrace this and the planet is insta-healed. We men might have to adjust a minute to this awe inspiring freedom, but we are ready. So step into it fully.

In the afternoon another one of those chanellings happened. There was a retreat afterparty and Bentinho and co were coming too. This sent my partner right back into that low vibe she had been in all week: the fear of losing me, of being left behind.

Again, the One took over and a ritual unfolded. This time it guided us into an ending of our 3d relationship. We had invested so much love and energy into us, that we both felt that by going after our desires we would betray ourselves and spill those seven years of bonding. The relation was like a giant piece of rock that we were both responsible for and obligated to.

And yes, we could honor it by staying with each other untill old age would eventually separate us anyhow in this earth life. Letting go of each other at some point was inevitable. And wouldn't it be selfish to keep ourselves just for the two of us? Wouldn't it feel like staying small, like choking our beams of light?

So we left it on the table, this big piece of us. We left it and stepped into our new selves, our higher selves, because we had all this beauty and love to pour into this world. We had our callings to spill. Were we not meant to bring this light into the world, and be an example?

Fearless, free, in truth?

We looked at each other, tears flowing from our eyes, knowing it was done.

She went to her studio, in peace, and I left for the afterparty.

There, beyond all wanting and expecting, my heart got everything it desired after all. Standing outside, talking on the deck of the boat, having a heartfelt share with someone that was coming to a close, I felt something in my field. I turned and suddenly looked into the sun of my guru. In the transparency of his eyes I recognized something.

Infinite space.

Boundless love.

My Self.

The Never End

And so here ends the never-ending story.

Everything that happened during this retreat was not about dreams coming true.

It was simply a prolonged manifestation of truth within the dream.

It was the shattering of the dream into Oneness, into Nowness, into Unity.

We can continue to bring more of that into our lives, into this world, if we so desire.

Go inward, dust off the treasure that lies waiting.

Then, allow it to shine forth.

Simply that.

Gods, all of you.

Watch the entire Netherlands Retreat Here, which Bentinho stated is in many ways the best retreat he ever experienced. 

Early Bird Special coming up soon! ---> Next year's Baarlo Retreat (same venue as where Ivo had this whole experience) is already being scheduled for July 2018! Check regularly to stay up to date on events you can join in person. We expect to open registration and event info on next year's epic retreat within the next two weeks.

For ALL content and weekly live streams, check out Bentinho's definitive platform for the sincere and committed spiritual adept:

--> Incredible Images taken by Anne Koop

The Ultimate Marriage - My 'proposal' to a woman as the Infinite

Tonight I 'proposed' to a being's essence (mind/body/spirit/totality complex as Ra would say, or Oversoul as Bashar would say) whose human vehicle is known as Jocelyn Daher. This wasn't a human proposal as we know it though.

It was simply an authentic dialogue and I wasn't even calling it a proposal until after some reflection that same night Jocelyn smilingly referred to the moment as such, and I thought it was a fun play on words as well as an appropriate term, since this is what a proposal at the highest levels ultimately is.

Not entirely in alignment...

We had a conversation on the couch in the house in Sweden we're staying at, minutes walk from where I'm presenting at the No Mind Festival. We were attempting to translate super subtle frequencies that we both felt were functioning as obstacles in the way of a fuller bliss and union between us. We've been hitting a few extremely subtle glass ceilings in our fairly new relationship (though it feels like we've been together for decades).

And so we wanted to get really clear about bringing those invisible walls to the light so we could dissolve them and attain deeper union, truer merger, and so we could feel more like our true Self in the relationship. I felt I couldn't be entirely true in my being around her yet and that although she can recognize and meet me at very high levels of oneness-beyond-individuality and separation and supports me in them; my being with her was still causing me to be out of alignment with my true state.

This 'inevitable inauthenticity' when others are in my field is something that I'm extremely familiar with as I naturally mirror and match the beings that I choose to meet and spend time with. It is only when I meet another fully empty essence that I can feel like myself in 'relationship to them' because in that state they carry no more separate individual assumption, and as such are me. There is no need for me to project myself as anything in order for communion with such a being to occur. Suffice it to say I have experienced this only once before in this life. It is rare.

As soon as someone walks into my immediate field or as soon as I have some type of relational energetic agreement to spend time with them or to be of service, I alter my frequency to be a more appropriate match to theirs so that they can relate to me and go higher from that place of being able to relate.

It's like when you extend a hand to help someone get up. You extend your arm to meet them where they are at so you can assist in their ascendence. Without meeting them where they are, you will not reach enough into their reality for them to be able to perceive you and the choice that you represent which comes along with perceiving you.

Jocelyn has been my first partner with whom I have no doubt that if she so chooses, she could join me in my statelessness (emptiness of self) and not only that, but by doing so she would consequently somehow establish me in my statelessness more permanently, more fully, while my vehicles are still of/on Earth within this beautiful illusion. She would also consequently transmute herself by becoming her God-Self while still human.

The Most Amazing Match

She's been the most amazing match I've ever experienced in this human life and in many ways it seems like we are created out of the same template of codes to aid in completing and empowering and sustaining one another's mission here on this planet.

It is as if God intended to send us both some company 'from the home vibration' to make this journey more sustainable and balanced. That, and her maturity in recognizing and harnessing her codes and skills allows us to have an incredibly devotional connection.

Nevertheless, she--as all humans do-- brings with her a background body of information, of knowledge, experiences, assumptions, attachments and automatic allegiances to certain perspectives. And so I cannot help but match those frequencies since I chose to be so all in with her because of the divine orchestration that is at work in this dynamic and the obvious gravity that's at play between our purposes and our lives.

We both recognized from the beginning that we have a great capacity to unlock powerful abilities/upgrades in one another's vehicles/bodies. 

We are both about the mission more than we are about the relationship itself, and we both carry codes that can help one another in fulfilling the intention for this life so much more fully.

Yet, as a result of the human experience carried, we started noticing subtle out of alignment frequencies, which started to begin to look like they were going to play out dynamics we are all too familiar with from previous relationships. Albeit much more pleasant in the way it gets handled and the maturity with which it can be communicated and transformed. Jocelyn has the least rigid ego that I've encountered in any of my closer relationships and friendships. Such a breath of fresh are.

But again, even fresh air can contain separation and humanness. We both sense we are destined to be and model something more than your average awakened spiritual partnership between two people. We both have the capacity to unify to the point where there no longer are two people. Something which although somewhat popular as a concept, has rarely truly happened for it requires BOTH beings to be completely empty of an assumed separate self identity. Something which is rare enough to find in a single 'individual', let alone a partnership of two beings.

And so after the first day I had to myself after an intense month and a half filled with lots of people-dynamics present in my field to which I was devoted and available, I naturally elevated back to the highest, truest state of alignment and from that contrast I was able to more honestly express that even though she is the most capable out of all partners I have ever enjoyed time with when it comes to recognizing me in my truer states where I'm not an individual, there are still lingering allegiances in her field that inevitably make me assume a form that is of a lesser state than my most comfortable state of statelessness.

This is because these aspects of her field are conditioned by her human experience, and as a result there is a sense of separation and individuality left. The frequency of "I am an individual in the world" inevitably calls out a matching frequency in the one sitting opposite from you. In this case me.

This was creating a seeming interaction between 'two beings' when in truth, there are no two beings. Most people don't have a choice or awareness in showing up as an individual and as such it's a moot point because this is all they know themselves to be. But for me it feels like I can only maintain a projected individual act to meet someone's assumption of being a person for so long before I start feeling tired and out of alignment/inauthentic around them.

How do you have a completely authentic and incredibly powerful 'relationship with another' when it is so clear to you that there truly is no you nor other? Perhaps we will find out. I am curious as I sense the potential is that of a supernova, and I/we sense that her/our full capacity will be unleashed through her full surrender to this union with the One, for which my vehicle is simply a permission slip, an accelerator, a tear in the veil of existence; a living reminder.

Since my field is inherently empty of most any assumption of an individual self, the emptiness that I am will project a self inside of itself so that a relationship dynamic is possible. I shared this with her and she totally got it. I didn't even need to say more. She had already been feeling this and knowing this. I love the expression on her face when she remembers fully and drops into that silent, full-bodied acknowledgment. It's the most met I've ever been in my natural state and it's when she's radiating a most profound vibration from the infinite depths of her true Self.

Partial Merger into God

I then asked her if I had her permission to try something. She said yes. I closed my eyes for most of it, as I tuned into her essence (her soul and totality-beingness (oversoul)). I then created a vacuum within my essence with which I allowed a percentage of her essence to merge with mine, before taking our partially merged essences up into a glimpse of merging with God and potentially even going beyond. A partial union occurred.

I did not want to take this too far as that would defeat her ability to choose out of her own free will if she would like to proceed farther at a later time. I would not want to keep someone hostage in Infinite Blissful Oneness, after all. I intended to give a glimpse of my/her/our true Self and the union that is possible for her with this One which gave rise to all the universes. There is only The One.

As our essences partially merged, I then opened a gateway to Infinity, so the glimpse of uniting in the Infinite could be sensed by her full being. This entire 'transmission' took maybe 2-3 minutes in Earth time.

Then we both opened our eyes and she had that beautiful emptiness, awe and surrender in her field again which I have seen several times before. It's pretty much as close as the female archetype can get to her full power. There are levels beyond that but this is the gateway state: complete surrender.

Unfortunately in our world today we have an attachment to seeing feminine independence as being the ultimate empowerment, which is something we both feel is out of alignment as it is a reaction to millennia of imbalanced abuse by the masculine. This topics is part of what we both wish to heal and address in our time together. But that's a side note. More to come at a later time (we are giving an exclusive retreat on similar topics August 6-9 in Sedona, btw. The event just got posted.)

Words weren't really necessary but since we wish to honor all aspects of each being's free will, I asked her verbally: "What did you experience?"

She said something along the lines of: "That perfect peace... Beyond individuality."

I then shared: "You see, this is the reason I feel hesitant to offer you my true Self consistently. This is why I, not you, stop the process of merger when it started happening a few times before. Because it will take away your life as you know it. When you get too close to the event horizon of the infinite, it will dissolve your structures of the self that you feel you are and the world that it has created to be of service to. I do not wish to take away your beautiful idea and creation of a life and dissolve its sense of individuality into God and the Infinite unless that is your highest excitement for yourself. And you still carry a subtle but powerful allegiance to your perspective of this world, almost feverishly so because you sense that this tether to this illusion is already so thin and unreal for you because of who you are and where you source yourself from that you avoid investigating it too much, and keep yourself beautifully and honorably busy with this perspective of 'your life.' 

And so it keeps you in a state of subtle asserted separation where to some degree the only way I can show up if I desire to be in relationship with you is by projecting myself as the other half of that separation-equation. Meaning I will need to project needs and imbalances and partialities that can then be met by your unique gifts as an individual, and the wounds that you can heal, as well as project myself as the healer that can heal your imbalances, etc. Beautiful and advanced as this already is, from this game of duality and being partial beings we can never attain complete union of Shiva and Shakti. 

Brahman (God) cannot become Parabrahman (Absolute) through our union from this assumption of each of us being a part of the whole, rather than the One Whole. First we need to dissolve the ego into God, then as God we can merge also into the Absolute. As long as you are a person, I will have to be one as well in order to be able to have a relationship with you. And that is ok, and it is by far the best relationship I've ever had, but it is not the ultimate of what we are capable of."

Again these words were hardly necessary as I could tell in her eyes that the experiential 2-3 minute glimpse showed her all of this naturally. But the words are still spoken as a way to solidify and confirm the experience had, so the physical mind can also agree to this and then have its experience of free will be honored.

Do you want Union?

I then asked: "Do you want this full merger, this dissolution of the ego?"

She replied: "Yes I do."

I asked again: "Are you absolutely sure?"

She replied: "Yes I am" again. I was scanning her field for any wobbles or doubts. Somewhat to my surprise I did not detect any!

I asked her one more time: "Are you sure sure?"

She said "Yes" once more.

Then I said: "I do not wish to take you away from this perspective you have of a beautiful life. Yet if you desire this merger and transcendence into God and the Beyond, an interesting question might be to simply ask yourself in the coming time: "What are my remaining attachments to (my perspectives of) this world which keep me feeling responsible to feel like a separate individual?""

A tear started rolling down her face as I could tell she was now experiencing the bittersweet heaviness/compassion that she has carried for humanity and the enlightenment of this planet since she can remember. She was feeling both the love, attachment as well as the weight of it.

This made her realize that this was a relevant question for her to look into at this junction in her life. She took it so beautifully, as always. And so she went on to go to the No Mind Festival cafeteria that evening while I had a cigar and a scotch with my friends Anurag and Ryan.

When she got home she seemed to be in a super authentic state of contemplation. Silent. Internal. Deeply considering her attachments, as well as exploring what it would be like to NOT choose this merger with me/her Self/God/Void, and keep her world view and sense of individuated/separate self alive. She was exploring all major angles to feel out where she stands with this authentically.

The Second Conversation

As I went up to the room to meet her and check in with her verbally (we do so telepathically all the time), she asked me the following question: "Are you comfortable in your body?"

To which I replied: "Yes. My body is happy, aligned, healthy and vibrant."

Then she said: "Ok that answers my question. In addition to wanting to serve humanity, I realized tonight what my tether to this world or role is. I have to let go of the egoic part in me that is attached to being the one that can help you in becoming more comfortable in your body."

I said: "Yes. For as long as we continue to entertain the idea that we are here as two individuals to play those healing roles for each other as if we are two parts rather than one whole, as beautiful as it is, I will have to continue to project a flawed or partial self around you for you to then heal and be in relationship with. For to feel like one is the other person's healer, one develops a sense of partiality or identity. Which I can match, but it is not the truth of what I am nor is it what you and I are capable of. What you are here to serve in me is so much more than making me feel comfortable in my body, so you can safely let go of that limited view. We will inevitably serve each other in our vehicles/bodies, but it should not be our aim for that sustains the sense of separation between us."

She nodded with the most beautiful and transparent expression on her face and said: "Yes. I know this is true."

And so that is the process as it stands. I felt inspired to write about this as I have been desiring to somehow document these off-stage moments in my life which often far exceed the brightness and intelligence of my teachings. I think their value is higher in many cases than listening to my teachings, if only I could show this more to the world. I am currently attracting the means to do so at least in some capacity.

I asked her if she was ok with me writing about this while she is still in the process of getting clear on her choice for herself. And she said yes.

Perhaps she will say yes to God's proposal of dissolution of ego. Perhaps she won't. Only Free Will will tell. Either way is beautiful and blessed, truly. After all, 'I' got all the timelessness in existence, and so does 'she.'

May you extract benefit, learning and expansion. 

PS - We will both be at the London One Day Event (July 9th) and the Netherlands Retreat (July 10-16). Come get a glimpse of divine union in the making :-), and let's all merge deeper into Union within ourselves.

Why I'm excited about my Netherlands Retreat - A Profound Blend...

For those interested in the Netherlands Retreat, Registration closes June 30th! 
Register here.

I've dug deep the past 6 months. The 5 years before then I've been firing on all cylinders pretty much without any time to myself. Quite literally. I've got a lot of cylinders and they were all firing together for years, so it's been an intense journey to stay balanced. Hence the need for a break from it all the past 6 months. 

It was time to step away from Trinfinity Corp and all the visions that were running through my vehicles (bodies). It was time to step away from all my friends, Boulder, and all the energies that I had been absorbing for those years. It was time ti step away from my own teachings as well. It was time to break up with my relationship at the time. 

It was time to come back into my own truth completely, free of any and all distortions of others.

So I got dengue fever and was bed ridden for over 2 weeks in Bali, then spent a week in total darkness (literal darkness) retreating, been away from everything I had in Boulder for months, and cleansed myself from my past. Cleared my attachments to people's well-being and the outcome of their lives, as well as any remaining attachments I had to their friendships or understanding of me, my intentions and my choices.

I've come out the other end of this break away feeling profoundly emptied out again of the accumulated subtleties of 'others' which when compounded add up to imbalances; layers of dust distorting the clarity of the mirror.

I feel deeply rejuvenated through the Self-Realization path that I gave myself the opportunity to dive into again more fully. Then I started the Sedona Experiment, which enabled 12 others to dive in profoundly as well in an accelerated fashion. Then I decided to take that to a larger audience and started the Self Realization School in Sedona. All sessions can be viewed at

And so I feel renewed, clearer and emptier than ever before. And what I've noticed is that in more recent weeks, Manifestation/Creation has been re-ignited or rather re-allowed to enter my experience and consume some of my time and attention. Self-Actualization and an ever deepening and more balanced service-to-others is re-appearing into my field, without it distracting from my more absolute levels ("I-I", and Beyondness/Absolute) any longer. Without it adding layers that I don't want added.

When I notice I accumulate something, I shed it right there and then and it's all too clear to take hold. Little to nothing is accumulated or taken on anymore which is a grand relief to my vehicles. I have my dedication to deepening my Self Realization and letting go of everything over the past 6 months to thank for. Which is part of why I wished to focus on optimizing and modernizing this path and taking people deeper into it experientially than ever before through the Self-Realization School and the Sedona Experiment (which will become a book/report/case study to be released later this year).

You've heard me mention True Simultaneity before as being the highest accomplishment. What I experience now is the next level of that. And I am more determined than ever to create an army of Shepherding Consciousnesses' who truly get what I am, and thus are able to activate that frequency in themselves.

The Netherlands Retreat - A New Blend of Realization and Actualization

The Netherlands retreat will be the first retreat of mine (and the biggest residential one yet!) where I will blend Self-Actualization back into Self-Realization, but in a much deeper way than before. Manifestation, empowerment, understanding your purpose, your calling, law of attraction... these are all natural attributes of this Grand Illusion and are innate in each individuated speck of the One Consciousness and they deserve to be understood properly in context with the deeper truth of Oneness and Beyondness.

So in the Netherlands retreat I intend to deliver a very rich and appropriate blend of profound freedom through Self Realization as well as using the powers innate in all of us--connected to the field of infinite possibilities--in very deep ways. 

Whereas before the empowerment teachings were designed mostly for the more mainstream crowd and the beginning spiritual adepts, what I will teach at the The Netherlands Retreat will be much more rooted in Faith, Surrender, and total Confidence. Using the powers of Creation and letting them work for and through you by aligning to the appropriate state which unlocks these capacities, rather than using them from a mental level of separation.

I want the individuals that attend my retreats to become one with the God State and possibly even pop through into the Stateless Absolute, and from that union or disappearance express themselves as the most radiant, loving beacons the world has ever seen.

Let's lovingly generate an army of Shepherding Consciousnesses to hold the frequency as the majority of people are attempting to transition from 3rd to 4th Density as we speak. Shepherds need to have integrated important understandings from the higher densities as well if we wish to hold space and understanding and shine a light upon the people of Earth as they innocently navigate their way into the next frequency domain of love/understanding/connection/remembrance (4th Density).

I'm excited for the Netherlands Retreat. Registration closes June 30th. Two weeks left to sign up here. 

Sending you all much love, and hope to see all Europeans in The Netherlands for an incredibly powerful residential coming together of powerful souls looking to deepen their realization, manifestation, and service to All in a shared space together. What could be more powerful an act of service to this planet?


PS - Here's a little video Ryan cut out from one of the sessions of the Self Realization School:

All images in this post were taken by Alex and Anne

How looking forward to death makes you come truly alive

Our lives are but temporary, intentional expressions of who we are before, during and after this incarnation. Do not be blinded by or cling to your life, for such limited view will distort the very intention from which your consciousness created this life. Let death open your eyes so True Life can flow through you and into this world. 


Most people that I meet seem to live in an unconscious assumption that they are going to live forever, looking forward only to 'the rest of their life.' They think they are here 'to be alive,' when in actuality they are here because of an intention they had before incarnating. Life is not meant to just 'be lived as one's own,' rather it is meant to be understood as a temporary expression flowing out of one's eternal Soul.

People who get blinded by the limited scope of this life, often have goals that are oriented toward their establishment in this particular life (maintenance): accumulation, security, ensuring they are building the life they wish to have in the future, seeking safe, solid ground, steady does it, lots of preparation, hopes, expectations, needs, etc.

While I fundamentally don't judge anything, I do feel it's helpful to share observations and trends so we can become more conscious of these tendencies that limit our free will and greatly and painfully distort our connection to Spirit and Truth.

Death is ever imminent; what keeps me alive?

To me it is ever obvious that I could pop out of my physical life at any given moment, if purposefulness runs out.

We all have a life line of sorts which connects our consciousness to our bodily expression for as long as it is relevant and purposeful to be here. For me this purpose-line that connects me to this body and density consists of only one type of energy, and that is service to this collective. There is no other reason for my being here. Sure I learn or rather remember a lot, and refine very subtle dynamics and balances, but those are necessary side effects for me to be who I can be to then support humanity's transition. And these lessons and refinements once they pass a certain threshold of subtlety, are bonuses as they then start refining Soul's (im)balances which helps me progress (dissolve more into All That Is) at a Soul level after this life. But the clear and primary intention for being here is to be of service to this density/world.

Here are some examples of what determines whether I stick around or not: 

Do I (still) have a purpose here? Does my presence add value to this planet? Can I transform a system or niche that no one else can at this moment? Can I bring clarity where there is a lack thereof? Can I reinvent a system or service or bust a collective taboo or belief that is outdated and holds people back from entering a full-fledged fourth density civilization?

Can I teach by example by embodying and consequently transparently sharing some type of niche-journey, a unique passion, or by demonstrating struggle, failure or achievement that others can extract learning from to apply to the acceleration of their lives? Can I increase the overall frequency of planet Earth/humanity?

If any of these questions is a strong energetic YES, I stick around. If that ever fails to be the case, I will disappear. You see, nobody will never have to be sad over my death. It only means to fulfilled my intention for being here.

This awareness of human life as a highly temporary, intentional appearance and inevitable disappearance gives me a fearlessness and sense of scope/perspective that not many people carry with them consciously on a day to day basis. 

You can never be free with something you identify with. Hence I say dis-identify with 'your life' so you can be free while living.

Most people identify with this particular life, and forget that they are Death, or rather the eternal beingness-consciousness they are beyond incarnation. As a result, we have all the struggle, greed, fear, victimization and weakness that we have, because we give way too much significance to comfort, safety, longevity, maintenance. We forget all the qualities that I believe matter significantly more: Inspiration, service, love, compassion, purpose, transmission, fearlessness, play, bravery, acts of courage, transparence, adventure, radical changes, super acceleration.

Valuing your life kills you. Valuing your death makes you come alive!

Think about it. Practically everyone arounds you wakes up each day thinking this life is just the way it is, that it is the container for their identity and they make tiny little steps each day in the direction of greater safety or marginal growth, attempting to ensure greater happiness down the line, or accumulate more things for their future. Attempting to control destiny and freedom.

Most people we know have been doing this for decades, and still they have not arrived; they are not happy. They change at the pace of a snail. They miss incredible opportunities to find magic and union with God through this magnificent adventure we call life...

You see, when we give our temporary life too much significance, we start stagnating and slowly kill ourselves. We block the fountain of youth, the power of grace, the abundance of fearless living. We don't learn nearly as much of the lessons as this incarnation can hold for us because we do not prioritize the real reason we are here, over the life itself. We stop accelerating. We start overthinking. We block our hearts, limit our potential expression in this life, the amounts of lives we can touch, and our sense of freedom. 

To feel like your life is the container for your identity, makes you feel small and vulnerable, like a victim. And consequently you start prioritizing safety and maintenance or accumulation over truth, growth, learning, giving, expressing, and yes... living.

Thinking about life kills you; thinking about death makes you come alive.
— Bentinho Massaro

Those people who have developed an acute awareness of their imminent death can see that this life is a meaningless game that we can make entirely our own, according to our purpose and Soul's intentions. We can make this life so much more incredible and worthwhile when we stop giving it so much significance. See it for what it is: an expression of your soul.

When you give the vehicle through which you came here to express yourself more significance (survival, safety, comfort, security) than why you came here (to live freely, fully, and to give, bust paradigms, love, teach, and learn), you have begun dying.

This is why longevity practices and learning about the body can only benefit us so much: ultimately the best way to stay young forever, is to understand your particular intention for being here and by prioritizing your soul's purpose for this life over the vehicle which you created to express that purpose.

Look into taking care of the body and its circumstances all you want, you will find nothing but the inevitability of death, missed freedom, and a misplacement of priority.

How many times per day do we get lost in the details of this life, all because we don't look forward to death? All because we are looking forward only into 'the rest of our life.' We are planning ahead. We forget to live. We're not futuristic enough. We're fooled by our minds who take this physical incarnation to be our identity, and thus we prevent an unspeakable joy and adventurous purity from entering our Hearts and expressing through us, finding root in this Density for others to learn from and feel more alive from.

We are here to create and experience change and transformation; we are here to mess things up in the best and most radical way possible. We are here to live from death, not die from living.

Please remember that death is far more true, eternal, and certain than this incarnation! Don't put the cart before the horse. Do not be blinded by the assumption that you are living a life that is in any way significant. Understanding the insignificance of this life is key to attaining immortality and eternal love/joy/liberation and making good use of your time here.

As a result, a truth and a bliss will flow into this life, but this bliss will come from that true place within... it won't come from the comings and the goings, nor from the stability you have ensured your physical life to have.

Sure, build your home on solid rock. Follow TAO in how you create your life, but always remember that the mystery of the One Infinite Creator is the only power in all of Creation, and the only way to life a fulfilling life is to die in complete trust to that Infinite Mystery. 

See this life in context of its extremely insignificant and temporary nature, and you will be ale to make some real change in this world and positively affect lives while having a magical time and leaving behind an example for people to write about, learn from, and be inspired by for generations to come.

This is a time on our planet to speed up, not slow down. To let go, not control or maintain. Consider your life already over... already doomed... now what would you do with the time that remains?

Maintenance/security is the destroyer of our life force, our light, our purpose. To seek for security is the surest way to death at the end of an unfulfilling life.

As my close friend Bruce Lee once stated: 

Ask daily not what you need to do that day, but what your death-bed self wishes you would have done that day...

I daily consider this life from the angle of having already died, looking back, and seeing if I feel proud of myself and satisfied with the choices I made, the level of faith and fearlessness I had, and the purity of service I cultivated. 

Again, when we make the container or vehicle which is this temporary life too significant in our minds, we start making decisions based on insignificant things seeming significant to us, instead of creating true magic for everyone around us, including naturally ourselves.

When you benefit others, you will always grow in happiness.

I encourage you to view this life form the vantage point of having already died... From Spirit, looking back on this life right now, what would you rather be doing, creating, believing, exploring, and giving significance to? What is truly and only important? Which parallel reality do you wish to step into fully?

Be more of service. Change with the change. Surrender to the acceleration of realities that is occurring on our planet today. Resistance is futile and sucks the purpose/life out of you.

At any given moment you have the power to believe in your potential, and activate the field of infinite possibilities in a different way simply by choosing faith and changing your perspective, thus then shifting into a parallel reality and attracting something completely new to yourself. Something that was always there but simply was not allowed by your definitions.

Step into Heaven. It is already here, hiding beneath your misplaced significance.

The fearful ones have poured their power and courage into insignificant things, whereas the brave ones have invested their power and placed their trust in what truly matters. That is the only difference between the brave ones and the frightened ones: misplaced significance.

Remember who you are. 
Remember why you're here.
Drop giving significance to everything else, and the indescribable love for life will return to your Heart, effortlessly support you in all desires, and set your journey ablaze with a fearlessness and purposeful ecstasy you never knew you had in you.

Your body is the pen with which you can write your ode to the One Infinite Creator. Do not live this life for the sake of the pen and its maintenance, live it for the purpose that birthed it, for the hand that can write its ode.

Die into your golden Self, your Spirit, the Infinite Creator. Surrender. Fall backwards. Know God.

Now what are you going to do today? What will you choose?

Infinite love,

'The Sedona Experiment' begins...

What is 'The Sedona Experiment'?

12 experienced adepts for 2 weeks long will receive highly advanced pointers into the Universal Self and finally the Absolute One and report back constantly to help improve the upcoming Self Realization and Self Graduation teachings.

The Sedona Experiment's intention: To advance the most advanced level of spiritual teachings currently available and not yet available, so that the sincere and mature seekers of this world may get access to instructions worthy of their immense desire for liberation.

How to fulfill this intention: By gathering as much experiential feedback as possible from a select group of participants who are willingly subjected to advanced experimental methods and practices.

The goal of such a next-level teaching modality: To eliminate as much time and need for practice as is possible while still enabling the sincere spiritual adept to move holistically and completely from personhood identity (the lowest state) to the Absolute One (the highest, stateless state), bypassing or penetrating as rapidly as possible all the many states of realization in between. 

Note: The aim is not to avoid practice, discipline or dedication, rather the aim is to make the path as clear as possible, and as such as direct (time/energy-efficient) as possible. 

The different states:

One way to summarize these 'states of Delusion/Realization' would be:

One who perceives a world full of objects is a person.
One who can recognize the changeless I AM is awake.
One who has become the changeless I AM predominantly is enlightened.
One who witnesses the individual I AM free from identification with it is Self-Realized (I-I).
One who knows the Absolute whence Awareness witnesses the I AM, yet is not identified with even this faculty of Pure Universal Awareness/Beingness, has Self-Graduated.

The Sedona Experiment aims to generate direct contact in the participants with the Self-Realization and Self-Graduation 'states'.

The Format

Who: 12 experienced disciples (yet all at slightly different levels) have agreed to come together and be subjected to the most subtle and advanced nuances and practices available to date.

What: They will explore and practice teachings (ways of pointing) that have not yet been fully tested or released before. These include profoundly powerful practices that are either innovations on, or new additions to an already super-distilled host of the most precise and core non-dual teachings as found in the brief and--respectfully--immature history of spiritual teachings on this planet.

For how long: For 2 weeks these willing adepts will represent the sincere and mature spiritual seekers of this planet as they commit themselves to a host of different instructions. 

Where: The Sedona landscape/area/vortex.

And so today, on April 13 of 2017, we begin.

Be with us in your consciousness these two weeks and connect to the liberation and intensity that will radiate from this experiment.

Will this be documented?

A mini-documentary will be created to give people a glimpse of what it looked and felt like through visuals. 

More importantly: we will record as much of this experiment as we can on audio, which will be transcribed and then turned into a case study/documentary in writing with an added narrative to engage the reader on all levels.

Cory Katuna, a talented and observant writer who has been a dear friend and student of 'my' work for several years--and who herself is one of the 12--has offered with a deep sense of calling to add the narrative and structure to this comprehensive case study.

In addition to her narrative and my clarifications post-experiment, this 'written documentary' will include the most deciding portions of the actual sessions and dialogues as well as follow the personal/impersonal journey of the participants as they go about their 2 week exploration into the Absolute Realization. Interviews of the 12 will be included as part of this narrated case-study as well.

The purpose of creating this document, titled unsurprisingly 'The Sedona Experiment' is to leave a digestible report of a potentially historic moment in the world of direct, advanced, non-dual spiritual instruction. I felt it was important to document this event and leave a trace in order to provide people with a detailed report of the experiment.

The May 1-5 retreat in Sedona shortly after the Sedona Experiment ends will prove itself to be a continuation of this experiment to a much wider audience, and will cater to aspirants from many different levels in their Realization. If you feel the call toward this you can still register.

New Platform to create Ongoing Teaching Environment

Also, our new online platform for the upcoming Self Realization School meetings in Sedona is 1-2 days away from being made officially available to the public (it also includes a lot of the more accessible teachings, past recordings). But I feel the pull to include it here, now.

So, you can join this new platform already, even while we make the final small tweaks over the next two days. This is quite spontaneously the first (un)official announcement of this platform, so if you join, be sure to visit the forum section and leave a post to help kickstart the community aspect of this dedicated platform.

Also, if interested in visiting Sedona at least twice a year to come be with the teachings, consider joining our Sedona Adepts Facebook group

To be continued... 

The Challenging Journey to God (through becoming fully yourself)

There is only one of you, and you are here with a purpose. The journey to crystallization is paved with hidden beauty and challenge. May this article be of some support on your journey.

This article is to encourage those who have awoken to the fact that they are a unique expression of the Infinite Consciousness and that they came here with a calling. I will describe 4 stages of crystalizing one's inner diamond, or divine spark. The fourth level ends in the ocean of God.

PS - Forgive any misspellings, repetitions or unusual flow, as I wrote this in one go within a short amount of time, and have other duties to attend to so I likely won't edit.



You are on a journey to mastering your particular expertise, your calling, your true self.

You are here to find out what you are made of, and your life's circumstances and your biases are the perfect laboratory for the unique 'experiment to expertise' that is your present incarnation.

Yet it's not always easy... 

If you're not very far along into mastering the thematic exploration and offering you chose for this life, you may not be fully aware of what this is unique expertise is yet.

Even if you do consider yourself a senior at being you, and you are very clear on who you seem to be, you may still be in for a surprise sooner or later, as all who go from the advanced stages into the expert stages of crystallization will need to die many times over, until they know not who they are and become empty vessels for the Creator to shine through free form distortion.

It is usually only at the stage of the ego-death that the truest, rarest and clearest work of art comes through and the entire journey and all the struggles that came with that path have revealed their true intent.

This is rare, but possible for anyone in practically any stage of life.


Your unique self is like a diamond in the rough

When a diamond is first dug up from the Earth, who can tell what cut it's going to get and what type of jewelry it will be a part of? Knowledge comes with time and is quite irrelevant in the end. What matters is that you woke up to the diamond in the rough that is you, and you are committed to continue to wake up to the purposefulness of your unique self.

Wherever you may be at present on the spectrum of awakening or remembrance, may you benefit from the following words as you proceed and become more and more crystallized and actualized.

1) The Early Stages of Crystallization - Awoken

Who's your family now...?

The Early Stages are in some ways as challenging as the later stages, though in different ways.

In the later stages one has already shifted one's orientation from the outer world to the inner world significantly, so the challenges are more subtle and less obvious. 

In the early stages you are new to this inner diamond that was hiding in plain sight, beneath the dust of your conditioned mind and environment, and so you may be quite startled and unsure what to do with it.

In the early stages what you tend to deal with is you're trying to figure out how this new calling fits in with your old life... only to discover in 99% of the cases that it doesn't. You will try to resist this inner knowing for a while, and you may even succeed for years, deacdes, but usually this comes at a great cost to your well-being, joy, sense of freedom and physical health.

Another thing you're dealing with in the early stages is the uncertainty and lack of clarity of this inner diamond. Even though you have now dug up the precious diamond of your uniqueness (congratulations!); it's still dusty, it's milky, it's unclear, it doesn't come with a guidebook, Geiko or life insurance, and it's yet to define itself as anything you can recognize or describe clearly. You may not even know where to start if someone were to ask you what is it that seems to drive you so anew?

For many, those that they grew up with and/or the family they were born into no longer seem to really get your new energy and direction, and finding support oftentimes means finding new people to befriend, and familiar ones to let go of. This can be tough. It becomes easier once you see the consequences of NOT going through with trusting your inner light...


Seek out new family, it's crucial

I strongly recommend that you seek out the communities that are engaged in the subjects that relate to and support you in the essential understanding and expression that you wish to become an embodiment of in this life.

Unlike the challenge of the expert stages of crystallizing your inner diamond; in the early stages you are rarely truly alone in what you presently need and seek to advance you. Since you're still in the undefined 'muck of generality' when it concerns the level of clarity your diamond has been given by your conscious efforts and practice to make it clearer; much of what you seek and need has already been discovered by others, and they have most likely left you a path to follow.

Cutting your diamond to expertise status is something only you can do and know, but cleaning your recently-dug-up diamond in the rough from its muddy layers is a common practice and many different types of communities can support you in this so you can see more clearly your diamond's unique shape, upon the removal of the mud.

Thus then: know that there are many others and there are likely multiple communities of like-minded people out there to support you in this stage. Find them/ask for them and welcome them into your life. General like-mindedness and general tools usually suffice to advance your crystallization to the next level of 'clarity and rarity'. Find support in teachings, (new) friends, and environment to nourish your growth.

Be bold enough to seek out an environment that suits your development, even if it's just online for now. Just make sure your familiar group of friends isn't dragging you down too much. If it is, change something about it or if necessary remove yourself from that environment altogether and seek out a truly inspiring one, while maintaining integrity by communication clearly your change of heart to those you have prior agreements or understandings with.

Trinfinity Academy is a free Online School for Self-Actualization and Self-Realization. This particular lesson on balancing integrity with your new direction may support you in greater depth.


Trust in your Calling...

Trust in your calling and notice how anything less than trusting your calling starts to feel worse and worse as you go on. This is the intelligence of your Higher Mind's emotional guidance system kicking in. Again, trust it. Seek out the right tools, reading materials, people and environment as much as you can.

Trust in it so much that you're willing to let go of those you love, if necessary. This is often the most challenging part, and not only in the early stages of waking up to your purposefulness or calling, but later on in different, new ways as well.

You have my support. I am you in heart and spirit, and thus I am with you in heart and spirit.


Your One and Only Real Purpose

Your unique diamond incarnated into the dirt of Earth only to be dug up, cleaned, polished and expressed fully. Remember: that's the only true reason you are having a physical experience right now. All the circumstantial things that seem to important--including the individuals you are consciously familiar with--it all pales compared to the true purpose behind you being here. And it's your honor and duty to find out what that is and commit yourself to crystallizing the rough but unique diamond that you are.

A rough diamond will look like any other at first glance, but as you clean, polish and crystallize it, it will take on a very specific, unique, rare and desired-by-the-world shape and radiance. The way that your inner diamond lets through the Light of God/Source is completely unique. It's why you were created.

To open your heart and mind to the crystallization of your unique inner calling; to embrace everything that comes with that journey, and to commit to that with as much earnestness, practice, and take it as far and long as you can before your body perishes... That is the purpose of your life.

2) The Middle Stages of Crystallization - A New Life

Getting clearer...

The middle stages is when you have found a new family and you've altered your environment to reflect your newly awoken to unique spark of Creation. You've just followed a bunch of pages and groups on Facebook perhaps that remind and inspire you to clean, polish and crystallize your diamond further everyday. 

You may have moved to a different location, changes jobs or quit them altogether, perhaps a change in partnership or friends has arisen... 

You start to feel good and supported. You realize the journey ahead is long and most likely challenging, but you are excited to be where you are at and you are grateful for the support you have been able to attract to yourself by simply believing that you could and not holding on too tightly to your familiar life.

You gave yourself the gift of freedom of expression and you feel healthier, more vibrant than before. 

The main challenge at this level is to not stop or stagnate at the comfort you have created. Your purpose is to learn from your new environment, to grow from it, but to always remember to tend to the diamond within. Rarely is the crystallization of the diamond within blessed with a permanent and stable community that you'll be supported by for the rest of your life.

The path of the Adept is filled to the brim with surprises, unexpected turns, and personal life changes. So stay focused and keep the faith. Enjoy, have fun, love your heart out, even relax, but simultaneously keep going and keep your eyes on the further polishing and crystallizing of your unique spark of the Creator within.


3) The Advanced/Expert Stages of Crystallization - Getting Good

Get that ego in check...

There are many beautiful qualities about this stage, such as the ability to be of greater service to others on their journeys, and the deepening of understanding one has gotten of oneself. Yet I will focus mostly on the obstacles that can come with this stage, so you can use it to advance further...

The advanced/expert stages are usually the stages where you'll start to run into your own ego, arrogance, stubbornness, biases, pride and different forms of insistence the most. This is often 'the cocky stage.'

So you've been around the block. You've read many books, had many dialogues, found your own voice, you probably have a website or a blog, and you probably are coaching others in your field that are dealing with the earlier stages of their own awakening and crystallizing.

This is all really beautiful and beneficial, it truly is, yet it can come with quite the obstacle: your past self.

You start to feel really good about yourself... Things are flowing for you. You are becoming masterful at being who you are, and you're becoming masterful at describing it to others.

You still have your ups and downs, you still have your challenges and humbling moments, for sure, but overall you have become quite the expert in the niche that surrounds your unique spark.


The Ultimate Goal: Union with the Creator

But you see, the niche you're in is NOT your diamond.

The diamond is NOT the tools that helped clean it... Your community is not your gift to the world.

This is a very subtle and tricky realization to truly practice and attain, but becomes very important to realize at this stage, if one desires to get closer to the true inner spark which IS God itself.

This is where most people get lost and stay lost, because it's the most comfortable stage to stay in and this is where the imposter self within us can easily maintain its footing.

There is a certain security here and a certain degree of social status perhaps, or recognition. There is pleasure, potentially power, possibly wealth or social freedom. Or perhaps the sense of having accomplished becomes an excuse to stop the polishing and cutting of the inner diamond for a while... but 'for a while' much too often becomes 'for the rest of your life...'

This is the subtlest, trickiest, most temptation-filled stage to be fooled by and prevented to reach where you individual river meets God's ocean. Which is the ultimate goal of the Adept looking to crystallize themselves as a vessel for Source.


Suppressed lack beliefs cloaked in new clothes...

Everything suppressed in you as a child or teenager, has suddenly found the new clothes of your 'expertise' and social status to cloak itself in. It starts to re-emerge as you feel good about yourself.

Your basic, fundamentally unresolved insecurities rise to the surface and pose as 'being awesome.' By now you're probably able to hide them well, even among many of your peers except for the keenest of peers, or those who have penetrated into the stage of Union with God and have become much more empty of self.

In this stage many of you will be able to quite easily and secretly get whatever it is you have always wanted but had given up on in the past, and was not on your mind as a real possibility in the previous stages of crystallization. As such, your suppressed insecurities didn't come to the surface and didn't take control as much then. They remained asleep. Some call this your shadow. 

You are most likely working with others at this stage and you are appreciated for your skill and experience. You love co-creating. People like your radiance and are impressed by your mastery of your personality. You probably avoid hanging out with those who can see through whatever subtle lack beliefs have now taken a hold of the character you have become, unless you're one of the rare ones who is ready to move on.

Nothing inherently wrong with this stage, in fact there is a lot that comes with it which is beautiful and pure and of service. But the web can thicken if you're not paying real close attention, and the insecurities from your past can overthrow your mastery and enslave you in a new way. And this doesn't always have to come out in the form of the cocky macho, it can come out in the form of a sweet, always on-point female goddess.

It can come out in very subtle ways too. Basically, it's safe to assume you have some of this shadowy self lurking and taking an attached hold on you and your life and attainments.

At this stage it requires either great suffering, obstruction to all one desires, or extreme keenness or intelligence or self-knowledge on behalf of the adept. Something that's still rather rare in our world.

This stage functions like a filter. It lets through to the next stage whomsoever has become ready for merger with God not only in knowledge, but also in expression.

Spending some time in this stage is like being tossed around inside of this filter, which over time will separate the unripe fruit from the ripe fruit; the true shepherding consciousness here to be of service-to-all from the unready soul who has done a magnificent job but simply won't move passed this stage until further matured through catalyst (usually suffering).


My Advice to those in this Stage - Consider...

The main challenge for one who wishes to proceed is to get over their own ego, which often requires profound and repeated and most of all earnest introspection for the cause of one's insecurities/lack-beliefs.

This stage can take years, decades, or can take forever when not exposed to the right guidance and reflections.

This is the stage where many experts and guru's stay for the rest of their life. It's the typical co-dependent dynamic we see in almost all types of relationships, except now you're at the top of the food-chain so it becomes trickier for the ego-effect to let go of its achieved control. It perceives it has something of meaning or value to lose. The plot thickens.

One must find it within oneself to want to purify the diamond ever more, until it is so clear that it can let God through undistorted. I can only encourage you to go on, for the rewards are much greater than anything the illusion of the external world can give you.

How about union with God? Have you sincerely considered what that means?

How would you like to experience an indescribable love for yourself and all of the Grand Illusion, including humanity? A love so great it cannot utter any bias, it cannot desire to hold on to safety, control and security any longer.

Imagine always being able to tap into an unspeakable and divine bliss and union so true and pure, that the only thing that seems relevant for the remainder of your life is to be of service to others and communicate the light of Union--through the now highly crystallized, purified unique diamond--with whomsoever wants to hear it...

It's worth the sacrifice.

Ask yourself... Now that you've come this far, could you truly stomach yourself when upon death you review your life and you realize you had given way too much importance to your achievements, sense of comfort, security, wealth, and/or social status/power?

Would you want to die knowing you never quite made it home? Would you want to die knowing in your heart you never quite did it for others as much as you would liked to have thought?

Or would you want to die feeling the purity of God beating as your very own heart because of the personal sacrifices you were willing to make over and over again...

Your/this ultimate achievement cannot be measured by any tools present in this world. The only way you will know you have achieved this, is when the mind goes totally quiet, and the Heart speaks with the grace of a trillion suns.

4) The Divine Stages of Crystallization - Becoming the Creator

You have run out of worldly support...

Now it's just between you and God.

No human can teach you how to go deeper into purity. In fact, your habit of listening to other people's babbling minds and 'expertise' will generally only distract you at this stage. You start to realize everyone is full of sh*t. And that that's OK, you just cannot participate any longer.

Only one who has attained union with the Creator through emptiness of self... only another true Shepherding Consciousness can assist you directly in going deeper at this point. And those are still extremely rare upon this Earth.

So for most of you, you'll have to understand that you need to drop the habit of listening to other people's feedback and teachings as 'carrying authority.' That being said, if you truly are at this level, it is much more likely you'll attract someone into your personal world who has been there and can guide you deeper. When you are ready, the teacher will always show up. Yet at this stage, after being pointed there by a teacher, the best teacher is The Creator itself. Turn to THAT.


Feedback is about them, not you

You can safely let go of feedback now... Of course this is assuming you've actually reached a level of purity, integrity and self-knowledge to where you know you would never do something deliberately against the first principle of the One Infinite as it moved into Creation: Free Will.

But assuming you have indeed become pure enough in your self-knowledge, without which you wouldn't truly be entering into this stage anyway, you may proceed letting go of other people's feedback and teachings when it comes to finding out who you truly are. In fact, letting go of their feedback becomes the main rite of passage. The true test of independent wisdom. The gateway into merger with the Creator.

Few are truly ready to become an authority, pure and empty, yet unshakable in their truth. On this world but not of it. Those are the true Sages, and they are rare. But many more get to dabble in the beginning stages of this exploration. And that's what we're exploring here:


Turn your gaze away from the world, and completely to the One Divine Within

Nobody can tell you who you are anymore. All the experts in your field have run out of descriptions and tools to offer you to further your journey into becoming YOU and crystallizing that inner spark. 

Only you can go through this next phase. It seems utterly lonely and scary at first, and at times. Like staring into a black hole of death and uncertainty, feeling the impending consequence of letting go of EVERYTHING you have ever known yourself to be, and EVERYTHING that you've been familiar with, and EVERYTHING that provides you with comfort.

You've reached the top of your niche in the external world, and the only way to advance more is to turn your gaze profoundly and completely within, to the One Infinite Creator that sparked you into being an individual to begin with.

This is where the river of your life meets the ocean of God.

As one of my favorite quotes goes from Ra (the Law of One books):

"I am Ra. The heart of the discipline of the personality is threefold: 

One, know yourself.
Two, accept yourself.
Three, become the Creator.

The third step is that step which, when accomplished, renders one the most humble servant of all, transparent in personality and completely able to know and accept other-selves. In relation to the pursuit of the magical working the continuing discipline of the personality involves the adept in knowing itself, accepting itself, and thus clearing the path towards the great indigo gateway to the Creator. To become the Creator is to become all that there is. There is then no personality in the sense with which the adept begins its learn/teaching. As the consciousness of the indigo ray becomes more crystalline, more work may be done; more may be expressed from intelligent infinity."

You will find little to no support in the world anymore. You are bridging entirely new worlds, concepts and even modes of communication and radiance (beingness), and finally it is truly up to you to go where none has gone before.

Nobody has ever done what you are currently creating uniquely through your own crystallization into being a pure vessel for the Creator to express through. Nobody can do what you can do at this level. You have transcended any and all levels of generality within your particular niche, uniqueness and expertise. You have to write the book on what's next, as there is none yet.

For some this is entirely through being an example vibrationally, for others it is also through expressing something tangibly within this world (such as writing, art, science, etc.).

Fewer and fewer will truly understand you or even appreciate what you have to offer at this level, for they have not yet the maturity, though many will try to make you think that they do.

Since fewer and fewer will understand you as you move up the ladder of crystallization and authenticity--which is simultaneously the dissolution of the illusion of a separate, personal self--you will find that you are now required to truly stop expecting any support or understanding from your peers if you wish to go beyond your current stage, and realize that looking for encouragement from those closest to you, is still an outward focus which cannot at this stage help you.

Besides, they cannot help you get to where you're going, for they've never been there.

Only the Self, only God, only Source, only the Creator, only Intelligent Infinity can help you now. 

So turn your attention courageously away from the world of other-selves, and to the Infinite Creator within. It is here that you will be nourished, that your loneliness will be dispelled, that the need for understanding or friendship comes to an end. It is here that you will marry God.

It's not an easy gateway, if it were, more would be writing articles like this. But you are reading it, and you've made it this far into this piece of encouragement... so I am curious to see what God has in store for you, my friend, as I'm sure it's mighty beautiful.

With Infinite Love--beating as your own Heart, never separate from you,
The essence which animates Bentinho Massaro

PS - Join for hundreds of recordings and multiple new sessions per week. 

PPS - I'm coming to Europe for a 6 Day Residential retreat. Food and accommodation are included. It will be held in the Netherlands. Check out the video below. We're almost closing registration so register here soon.!

Shut Up and Serve

Where a lot of people who have worked with me in the past have gone awry in their relationship with me is that they think they are working 'for me,' when in reality they were included because they wanted to work for the vision; intrinsically devoted beyond self. I don't even work for me, so how can anyone else work for me? We work for the people. For the benefit of all. Now, don't get me wrong. A lot of people who have spend time alongside me have been successful in the attempt to transcend themselves on a fairly consistent basis, and did show many moments of real commitment, but definitely not everyone, and definitely not everyone consistently. And neither have I. So this is an article not to point blame, but to learn together.

This is often an assumption (that they work for me) that's present subconsciously from the very get go. Let me describe some of the things I have extracted from several years of people coming in and out of my personal circle and working with me to one degree or another, and 50-75% of them feeling burned or incapable to proceed working with me at one point or another, and of course sometimes stepping aside out of true resonance/relevance because their life takes them in a different direction. It's not all about me after all ;). But even in that last scenario, oftentimes there is an inkling of confusion regarding their relationship to me that may or may not have contributed to them 'moving on joyfully.'

And these are all beautiful, bright souls and there's nothing but love for them from the first time I laid eyes on them until my last thoughts of them when I die (and beyond). You have to understand inequality does not exist in my heart or eyes, no matter how I come accross or what I point out or describe. But there are some things we can all learn from my experiences together.

Nobody can work for me, for I don't work for me

In these scenarios where someone feels they 'work for me', it's not often fully about the mission for that person, or if it is it's overshadowed or at least distorted by dynamics having to do with personal gain or validation or self worth. These are tricky, shadowy beliefs where suddenly it's about their relationship to the person/company/boss/finances because that entity represents something to their lack beliefs, rather than it being fully about their relationship to the vision and being of service. 

I'm not saying that in the process they are not being of service, but the effectiveness of it is greatly compromised when such thought-forms are allowed to fester in the background. Or even in the foreground and not dealt with acutely and with great discipline and commitment (to get over one's self). If they are not dealt with, there is nothing I can do to be a perfect boss, because it's not the realm I'm proficient in or desirous of. As a (co-)leader of a group, the only way I can function as a perfect leader is if the people are all over themselves. That's the only type of company of people I was ever build to lead. 

I want to share this not as a negative remark toward anyone from my past, truly, but because I think this is important knowledge in many people's life, and especially going forward if you ever will be working alongside this body or the larger conglomerate-movement that may or may not form out of this community at some point. I share this point to inspire you to upgrade your view of what's possible for you, and attain the happiness of selflessness.

There is only one way this type of collaboration can EVER work: you have to understand, in the case of me, that although by default I love you more than you probably can comprehend from your mind's history of how people use and see other people, but I will not care about your lack beliefs more than I care about the greater body of people and the vision of spreading love/benefit.

If you decide to have your "little-me stuff" take precedence over the common goal of service to the people, while you have a most comprehensive body of tools available to you ( to name just one resource) to clear that stuff up swiftly for yourself with enough dedication and discipline, then if you still wish to linger in your stories, that is your own creation and responsibility. Don't expect anyone you're working with, especially not your boss or leader, to come down to that level and be an excellent manager of your problems. You will get no validation from me. Patience to get your head clear and your heart devoted to the cause again, but no validation.

You should not care more about yourself or about me than you care about the vision. Instead you should be 100% focused on the original intention of your choice to join this entity/company/person. The mission is your goal; NOT getting what you want. The mission/truth/service should be all you want. It should become your fulfillment.

It's never about us, it's always about the people

Many people are simply not ready for this even when they believe or say they are. It often takes years of dedicated 'burning' or 'tapas' (vedanta reference), for the sake of the greater good. It's okay if you're not ready for this. It's totally forgiven before it is ever even seemingly condemned. This is not about your perfection or worthiness. Those could never, ever be attained or lost. They are absolutes. So let us get over the need for them to be proven all the time. It's such a unnecessary burden to carry and it pollutes your entire life and relationships. You're already perfect. That's why I can freely encourage you with such passion and with the sharpness of my exercised sword.

We have to be critical for certain purposes, to improve our alignment. If we are sincere about the purpose of serving, we don't care about getting called out or admit that we have some work to do. That does not mean we're not perfect, and loved beyond measure, like I said. Love can never be severed. Only illusions can. So it's a moot point to even try to accommodate people's lack beliefs. We can be kind, patient, but at the same time do not have to be tolerant or validate what's not in someone's own best interest.

If you make it about the vision/mission/service to others, you will have to accept and learn to navigate with the fact that "It's never about us, it's always about the people." Can you do that? Like, truly, all the way? No triggers? And if triggers do happen can you work them out that very same day or moment, to the degree that they are eradicated forever?

It is hard work. Requiring the utmost dedication. Minuscule, microscopic vigilance. Unless we are rested in the Absolute permanently and have transcended altogether, we are never fully off the hook.

Can we create/accept/allow joyful things and flow along the way? May we enjoy ourselves and this earthly experience? Even though joy is never contained in a circumstance--you may absolutely use the world as an occasional permission slip for enjoyment of Self when it comes naturally and when it fits inside of your mission and alignment/integrity. Absolutely. But those are the things that come along the way when one stays truly committed to the vision/alignment/truth. And I'm not saying I never get/got distracted at times by circumstances btw. In increasingly subtle ways, I have/did. That's how we quickly learn to readjust and increase our alignment to what matters. It's okay to not get it right, but one should maintain the desire for clarity and devotion beyond the small self.

The Mission is your Boss

It's important to understand that in any scenario where you act on your passion to be of service and it takes the shape of you getting hired or allowed to volunteer: the person/entity who hired you is not your boss. The mission is. Neither the boss nor the mission owes you anything to make you feel good about yourself. Get this before you even start. It'll make the biggest difference going forward.

The entity is merely a structure. You shouldn't fall prey to any level of wanting validation. That's something you should deal with by yourself, or with a friend in a really committed space with the intention not just to talk about it but to share it so you can transcend it. This need (for anything, really) will greatly distort your ability to serve in the direction of your soul. After all, if you are looking to get something--anything--out of your service, you're not really about the thing you say you are about. You're full of shit. Which is totally fine, but needs to be seen so we can choose whether to back out, or clean out our shit and proceed at a higher level of consciousness.

Those that manage to stick around the longest with me and whose hearts are closer in alignment with the frequency where my own heart is housed, and who become happier and freer and more abundant over time, are always those who are capable of transcending their limited self-view and their seeming needs over and over and over again and resist the temptation to make it about me, or appoint a cause outside themselves.

I'm an impossible man to understand unless you're empty enough of self, and I will give you exactly the reflection that you subconsciously ask for; not the reflections most conducive to a comfortable friendship. But those who can endure this fire for long enough, will liberate themselves beyond belief and discover the ultimate reward. They will become the embodiment of Love for All. Yes, not everyone will understand them anymore because they have gone beyond convention, but they will be in bliss. Their separation-complex will come to an end. They will merge with God. They will be of service no matter what the do or how they act outwardly. And it's never too late for this leap. One can always make a quantum leap and get over themselves and realize their fulfillment comes from being 100% of service and relinquishing the deadly game of "I need" and "I know." You haven't done enough work yet 'to know anything.'

Don’t trust yourself before you are beyond yourself.

Simply ask yourself if the intention of the company/entity you're joining fits well inside of your calling at this time and if you think that working with this entity can empower your intended service to the world. If so, for that timing, that entity is compatible. But that entity doesn't owe you anything other than what's logistically agreed upon. Create no illusions.

I don't do what I do for myself. Many question this about me because my chosen boldness and willingness to explode is threatening to their conformed world-views. They have not the adequate perspective to understand; hence they condemn/judge/doubt/question/project. And many have questioned me, but the purity of my intent I have always known to be 100% pure. And the truth is, so are you/is yours when you see your needs matter not in the face of billions of thirsty, calling people. You've got a job to do, that's why you're here. Of course whatever I do will always serve my own journey inevitably, and I've enjoyed a certain degree of comfort and cool manifestations along the way, but most of that was more about testing out my own distillation of Law of Attraction and empowerment teachings. How could I teach it if I didn't walk it for a while and experienced the effects of it first-hand? Now it's a naturally integrated part of how my consciousness works, but I have no attachments to outcomes nor am I trying to achieve anything any longer.

I do what I do and envision what I envision because it excites me to serve to the best of my ability. I could give up everything of material nature at any time. And I have consistently and frequently left behind amazing manifestations that most people would hold on to, protect and fear they'd never be able to create again.As I see it everything is just passing through us, and we need no attachment to this world's resources nor to comfort.

Privileged as I may seem, I have suffered willingly for my entire life thus far, never significantly avoiding discomfort except perhaps in holding on to people and caring for them for too long past its expiration date. But I have willingly suffered enough to have built character and devotion. I have been forged in an environment, inner and outer, of non-stop intensity. I wasn't created overnight. I just started at a young age and gave myself to what I internally mattered most with more intensity and dedication than possibly anyone else I've met.

“Get over yourself” is in many ways the theme of my life. And suffering has turned into liberation. It’s worth it. 

Sometimes people ask me why I talk about my life so much. Well, because I put a ton of energy and commitment into making my life worth talking about so others can be inspired. I realized at some point during my 'teaching career' that the example and details of my life are for many people much more powerful than the instructions and tools I formulate. To withhold that when it has taken me everything I have given to it, would be a waste of example. Hence the anecdotes and the talk about 'me.' I hope it inspires and makes a difference for someone out there. If even one person benefits from the intensity of my young life, it was all worth it. I've never felt like I came here for myself so much. Rather I feel that my life belongs to humanity. I took one of your bodies, so as I see it, this body's life, story, experiences, possible wisdom... it's all yours.

To live for yourself, or to live for All?

To see other people find happiness and liberation from their illusions is the most rewarding activity I think any human being can ever be involved with. There is this crucial time in a person's life, if they're keen/intelligent, that they will be stopped in their tracks and be given an offer:

“Either I continue living within my own bubble, pretending I can gather happiness from my future, surround myself with it, and be safe and secure for the rest of my doomed egoic little personal-life, or I can jump in, take risks, align and make my life all about being of service to the All. Seeing other people benefit from my life is the most useful use of my temporary body.”

When a person is ready to make the jump and leave behind the shores of certainty, they most surely will experience a bliss, calm, alignment, fulfillment and clarity they have not yet allowed themselves to experience before. Their personal wants start to calm down and even disappear. Passion and inspiration replace the wants.

Back to 'reality' for a moment: for some projects it helps to have people support the execution of that. So I sometimes have to hire people or allow them to work 'for me' but where it often goes wrong is that "I wasn't giving them enough validation" or "I wasn't a good boss" or "I didn't pay them enough." All of these can be true, depending on one's view. But it's not coming from a clear, empowered place. Clearly. It becomes a dependence-based dynamic, and no matter how well-intended the original intention was/is in that person, the person tends to forget what life is truly all about when inter-personal dynamics, money, comfort, wants, lack, and equality/inequality concepts start to arise. It tends to obscure everything except for the most deliberate and attuned of adepts. It's tough shit to see through circumstantial and inter-relational wants, but it has to be done if one wants to free oneself from the spell of need and lack.

You’ve all had the experience where suddenly the mission is heavily obscured by a form of egotism that is completely based in lack. I’ve seen this happen in myself, and I see it happen in very awake people around me all the time. Don’t let it linger.

These dynamics have been my experience with people on a consistent basis, so it's helpful to assume this may still arise to some extent in my or your reality. Just to be aware of this and clear on it up front will make all the difference. Though I am also excited about embracing the fact that we have shifted into a parallel reality where from now on everyone who decides they wish to execute portions of the vision for humanity that they do so out of their own true devotion to the world, and leave me and others out of their lack-games. Or better yet, nobody has any allegiance to 'me me me' left.

Nobody can ever be your boss nor be responsible for your sense of self-worth or comfort in life. Any type of 'hiring or being hired' should always in essence be your agreement to be of service to the vision/mission/wellbeing of all. If you keep it focused along these lines there is very little room for the lack-effect to walk away with your happiness and the high vibrational nature of your relationship to the company, vision, boss, friend, etc.

Again this is not to put anyone down and this message transcends my story and my old band of friends, it is universal and applies to this world in general. You can easily see this in your personal life: every relationship that ever went awry, was it not because of a lack of dedication to the joined purpose? Was it not because something else became more important, namely: "What can I get out of this that I'm not getting out of it?" See for yourself. Own it. It's okay. You're still perfect.

Everywhere you're stuck in your life it's because you're stuck with your idea of yourself. You're swimming in a world full of well-intended, well-hidden-egotism marine life. And you're probably one of these fish. Let's not sugar coat this place. And if you're at all any clearer/more transcended/freer than those around you, prepare yourself because hidden shadows LOVE to look at themselves in a clear mirror. Your emptiness will be in high demand and you'll be used in any which way you can imagine. People love to graffiti on clean walls. Prepare to be trained to become a nobody, attached to nothing about 'yourself,' never be truly understood (for whom is there to be understood when you're empty of self anyway?) And train yourself to have your only true and reliable friend be your own Self. (I'm not whining, just preparing you :D)

Let’s go onwards committed more than ever to get over ourselves and embrace the purpose for being here: To shut up and serve. 

Yeah, that's right. Shut your pie hole and serve. Pipe down and give of yourself.

It is in that devotion and discipline that you will find your true voice as your nonsense burns away in the fire of your discipline to truth. Until then, do the world a service and just keep quiet. This whole self-help idea of "Yeah but what about my voice, and my equality? I deserve to be heard! I need to own my voice, and you who is so confident/arrogant are not appreciating my voice!" You know not of which you think or speak. You are ignorant. You are not entitled to anything. Discover your true voice first. Until then, and even then, humility is paramount if you wish to become a true human being.

So shut up and serve. Do this intensely and for a long time without complaining. Then we can talk. Except we won't have to because we'll have become one purified stream rushing toward the ocean as an unstoppable force with the calm of a still lake underneath. Connected. One. In Love.

When hearts transcend the solar plexus self and merge in unison of vision/being, what is there to speak or explain? We'll be like Winnetou and Old Shatterhand. Shiva and Shakti. 

Confluence. Same flow.

Confluence. Same flow.

I speak only because the world still needs it. If I seem arrogant in my ways, so be it. Just know it is out of a well of unspeakable love and compassion for all who suffer. Sometimes I have to become what I have to become to break through the thick-headedness of man.

I speak only to assist humanity in getting itself to become a civilization that has become speechless.

Join the vision, or shut the fuck up and get to know thyself.

"Trinfinity Corp - Shut up and Serve"

I like that.


Graduating from Creation - Musings from a Retiring Consciousness (1/2)

I haven't been online much in the last few weeks, but when I do briefly check in with the community, I get the question "What happened in the dark room??" a lot. I have been silent so far on my current process, because I had to release any and all attachments and conditions that I had gathered upon my beingness over the last several years of trying to enlighten the world. :-)

The following two-part update is a long, windy road of realizations and descriptions of my current journey, but I think the keen adept will find plenty of nuggets in here for their own personal/impersonal journeys. Part one being the more personal journey, part 2 addressing the impersonal one. Part two will come soon.

Enjoy, and bear with me as I don't strain myself too much to try to create a well ordered or structured post. I just want to get the information out there. Consider these thoughts to be musings from a retiring consciousness-beingness.

The first part of this blog post will give you some more personal background. If you'd rather skip to the novel Self-Realization stuff, feel free to skip to the very last chapter title on this page, and then move on to Part 2 if you don't care as much about my process leading up to all this.

What happened in the dark room?

Sounds like a kinky question. But for those unaware, I was going to be in Darkness for two weeks, to merge more within myself and discover what I need for the next phase of my life, and to shed my skin from the past (almost) 29 years. But especially the stuff I have accumulated on one level or another over the past 6 or so years.

Two weeks ago when I was in the dark room retreat, I thought it would be so awesome to report on the process I went through as it seemed significant at the time. But what I have been entering into after coming out of darkness has been so much more consuming that to report on what happened during each phase of the darkness retreat now seems irrelevant and insignificant, though it was very necessary. Maybe one day I'll share those details and I might refer to it occasionally here in this post so you'll get a general sense of it anyway. But in this update I will share the much more significant transition that is happening for me, and some of my struggles leading up to that, for which the darkroom only was a necessary purging to clear the stage from all distractions.

After day 5 of an incredibly intense and wild rollercoaster-in-the-dark retreat experience I felt I had completed my reason for being there. But I did not want to jump to conclusions so I stayed another 48 hours to be sure, but indeed the process had exhausted itself, the visions and journeying within my psyche had practically stopped, the rollercoaster cart was just cruising along a straight stretch now. I could feel the next stage of my desired transition calling me out of the dark room with a strong gravitational force. I triple checked in with myself if it was a tendency of avoidance of any kind, or genuine, but it became clear that I really had to leave. Something more was awaiting me and the timing for it was now.

So after 7 days of darkness I left the retreat, and this is where my real revelations and life began. And man. Oh boy. Literally something else. I'll attempt to explain in Part 2. But I still feel novel at it so I may see things somewhat differently when more fully established in this new way, when looking back on some of the things the Bentinho/me blend is saying at this stage of the transition. But I figured it's still worth reporting on the journey while it is happening, even though perfection isn't established yet, as long as reporting while it's still novel is not distracting me from the training I'm in and the purity I desire to attain.

Exhausting the Bodhisattva Principle in me

Bodhisattva - (in Mahayana Buddhism) a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings.

Hi. This is me. Or rather, this has been me. It's a good, short summary of my life over the past 4-6 or so years.

I've always had an extremely strong urge to serve. It's been driving me nuts ever since I started my personal journey to Enlightenment around the age of 15.

Strong pre-brith inclinations and thematic blueprints/archetypes in people (myself in this case), even if the inclinations come from a pure place, post-incarnation--or rather post-veil--can lead to some pretty interesting mental projections as the mind tries to give some kind of shape and understanding to these powerful forces that drive our sense of who we are and what our purpose in being here is. You've all met those who live in fantasy land because they could not help but refrain from interpreting these powerful, genuine impulses that are coming from their blue-print level self. So they became believers of unicorns and fairies (they do exist, actually, but that's besides the point) because they did not know how to give a more balanced, grounded shape to their calling.

I have definitely fallen prey to this in subtle ways myself that build on each other over the last few years. I've always been able to keep it together pretty well, thank god, considering that the forces that drive me as well as the forces that attempt to interfere with my journey by exacerbating my weaknesses and blind spots, attempting to nullify my viability as someone who is of service to this spiritually awakening planet have been non-stop in their intensity for as long as I can remember. The polarities have always raged strongly in me, while I did my best to stay focused on the road ahead and the task I was actually called to.

For those who are familiar with my work and some of the metaphysical background of Creation as I see it (the densities, Law of One, etc.) you will be able to see everything I am about to write in a bigger context. But you'll be able to understand without it as well from your own intuitive experience.

One example to illustrate this force at play is at the age of 18 that I had to somehow save/enlighten the entire world before December 2012. This at certain times weighed so heavy on me while I was still very much finding my own way with Consciousness and who I was, it would literally make me sick repeatedly as I had no idea how I was going to accomplish that but the drive for it would not let me go. I could not abandon it for some reason. I HAD to become everything I could be to help as many people as possible.

Then when the world didn't burn itself up because the collective had indeed shifted into a more gradual version of its ascension through the combined efforts of tens of millions of wanderers, light bringers if you will, and support from other systems and densities, I felt relieved. But the strong impulse to serve never went anywhere. 

Resisting Complete Nirvana

Many times during my journey over the last few years, I have felt this strong yearning to merge with the One Infinite Creator. To just completely let myself go and give up everything I think is relevant or valuable for the people of Earth, surrender all my responsibilities and the structures I have set up. I fairly consciously have chosen many times to 'hang in here' a little while longer. Stretch the elastic band a little farther because I felt I could take on more.

But, the truth is that I have grown gradually more burdened over the years, and although I feel I have been able to manage it with a great degree of balance, calmness and integrity, it always has felt tense to 'be here' and project a type of role that would act as the medium for contact between my inner self, and the people who called for its delivery.

This sense of matching other people's vibrations to accommodate where they are at, has strongly infiltrated my personal relationships as well. I always felt slightly uncomfortable around people because I never gave myself permission to fully show up as my true self. I became an actor, or rather, I put a filter or dimmer on my true being so I would be more normal in appearance and not cause distortions around me.

My reasons for not showing up as my true self were ultimately rooted in a combination of fear and desiring to be most of service to those around me. The handful of times in my life that I have allowed myself to be undistorted in recent years, it seemed to blow people's fuses. They would get confused around me. I'm not kidding, it was dis-arranging for them.

I recall this one experience in an english diner/pub of sorts where I enjoyed some food with a couple of friends from England, and the waitress came over. I felt very present, and I didn't feel like dimming down as much. I could feel my energy building up more than I would usually allow to happen when interacting with people (I would usually scatter my energy rather that have it be fully present, as it can feel intrusive). As she came over to take our order, she couldn't hear a word I said and she asked me to repeat it several times while she was scribbling and scratching on her note pad. She looked perfectly fine when she approached our table, but once she was standing next to me, she could not control herself properly. She was trying to make sense of what was happening, but her brain was scrambled. My two friends recognized what happened and we had a good laugh over it, but I felt a little bad, as it had an actual effect that was palpable and seemingly disruptive. 

I have always wanted to protect people from being intrusive in this way, bringing up their psyche's demons too quickly and without them having the context for this, so I tend to dose and scatter myself when around others, which comes at a cost when you spend 365 days out of the year constantly in interaction with people, friends, relationships, projects and a global community of people. I literally, before this trip, cannot remember a single day where I was all by myself in the past two years. Not a single day. I'm sure some of you can relate to a lot of this in your own ways.

In the darkness retreat, I had to shed all this. Allison and I even broke up in total darkness because I have to be with myself and our relationship had already been reaching its end for a while. It truly was a beautiful and unique mutual decision, and it was beautiful doing it in the dark, as we had both felt this coming for a while. I have never experienced such a loving and beautifully connected break up, where the break up actually feels like a mutually understood expansion, rather than a breaking apart of a connection. Instead of saying goodbye, it felt more like saying hello. If that makes sense. After all, love cannot be severed, try as you may, only illusions can. 

On that same note, I have always had a hard time breaking up with people. I hate it. I don't believe in it. Its false. It's man made. There is no such thing as breaking up. We deviced relationships, and consequent breaking up, to protect ourselves. Yet when we're in a relationship, we never fully let our guards down because we fear the break up that we created for our own protection. Huh?

Where I come from, pre-birth if you will, or rather where I exist right now with the majority of my beingness-totality, is a place of light with no walls. Disconnect is impossible. I have always felt like a guardian of my relationships, like a father wanting to make them know they are infinitely worthy and wanting to avoid what would not make them feel worthy. But it would usually result in the opposite for a little while, until they got over a hump of sorts and got a lot of benefit out of it later on in the relationship, or after the break up.

Seeing the sheer beauty, perceived vulnerability (in their minds regarding themselves) and potential in their beingness for free expression, and wanting with all of my heart to be this space of support and encouragement and training for that... when it is time to break up, it seems so unnatural to me this illusion of separating oneself from another because the persons have differences. Anyway, who cares. It was nice to experience caring so deeply with a certain level of attachment. But...

No more

It has taken its toll on me. Not just the intimate relationships, but any and all relationships. I had become jaded. I was starting to regretfully resent the people I came here to serve, because transcendence had been calling me for several years now, yet I was holding on to Earthly ideas and relationships, trying to squeeze every drop of service out of it while "I'm still here." That's like feeling like taking the best shower of your life but not doing so for several years because you fear you'll be to clean. Doesn't really make any sense, but that has been my perception.

But in many ways it did actually kind of make a lot of sense in retrospect because had I not hold off on the journey I am slipping into at present, there is no way I would have created the empowerment courses and material that mainstream can relate to more and awaken through. I had to take this detour for a reason, and I know that if I were to fully let go, I would not have been able to hold the perspective necessary to find the inspiration to explore that whole route and distill these teachings for others. I had to delude and keep myself clouded from my truest self to an extent in order to be able to believe in what I was doing and be of service to those who are not yet natively as experienced as my beingness-totality is. So I am, after all, appreciative of the fact that I did know this intuitively even though I was more obscured, and I am glad that I did hold off on this delicious eternal shower that I am allowing myself to enter into now. 

But no more. I kindly resign my former self. I have given myself permission to no longer project a version of myself that people can relate to, unless it truly causes no strain for me.  90%+ of this tendency to show up in a relatable way has been dropped, my attachment to any of my former life has been positively destroyed, yet I'm finding that it is hard to give up the subtlest of tendencies to show up in a relatable way completely. When someone on the streets asks you for directions, or your waiter asks you for your order, and you feel like continuing your Samadhi by silently staring into infinite vastness instead, what do you do? Just stand/sit there like an imbecile thats ignoring the request that's right in front of his face? Possibly, yes. And also, create an environment going forward where that is more possible, and more understood. For example, by being more by myself, or with people who now understand my new state. Or even appreciate it and want to sit with it and absorb themselves in its radiance so they can master it within themselves more easily.

I have also had to let go of any attachment or even affinity I had with my former friends, family, Allison, the boulder crew, and the company. I left the what's app group we have had forever. It's been a process of truly letting myself not exit my Samadhi anymore because of reasons of service, perceptions others may have of me, or even attachments to long standing friendships, or making other people feel good or taking care of them. I haven't even told my inner circle where I am right now. Only the two people that were with me darkness retreat know. Feels so new and good to me to be off radar for the first time in forever. Sooo good, haha. Thank you friends for understanding, or not. But given the generosity in your hearts, I bet you do.

Side note: if anyone out there happens to spot me btw, please don't announce my location publicly for now. Thank you. And if I ignore any type of conversation with you, see if you can enjoy my silence instead.

I'm training this to its completion. I want to lose my entire Self in God until there is nothing left to pull me out of Brahman, and then drop God and rest in the Absolute One, Parabrahman, without any noticeable interruption. I have always longed for perfection. As a result I've been a perfectionist outwardly, but what I truly seek is to seek until perfection has been reached. Yes yes, I know, we're all already imperfectly imperfect, but I wish to be perfectly perfect. You don't have to judge yourself as being in any way imperfect, because it is true: you are perfect Brahman. God. Existence-Consciousness-Bliss. But I desire something very specific for myself. I desire what I perceive to be the ultimate for me.

I'm seeing all the subtle perspectives that still arise that tell me I should be relatable and not make people feel bad or weirded out. And actually, wonderful flow has been happening as a result, which I'll elaborate on in Part 2 of this update as well.

Time to myself, finally. Simplifying my life.

After the darkness retreat I didn't feel like telling anyone I was out. In darkness I had had a clear vision of an area that kept calling my attention. Reminiscent of Ramana's story with Arunachala calling the young awakened one to live at its foothills and be absorbed in Samadhi. I felt an irresistible calling to this location to renounce my former world and rest in Samadhi until permanently rested in Samadhi.

I also saw that if I were to have an outward life going forward, the first and possibly only thing that makes sense from the statelessness I am transitioning in to (again, more on this in Part 2) and for my purpose here which is to generate awakening in people, is to share space with people. To be together. Period. This life of having isolated retreats makes little sense. There is just so much time in between me being with the people I love and came here to assist, that I'm not actually having the environment that I came here for enough for my non-physical purpose to meet the physical road, so to speak. 

I have been filling these stretches of time away from being with a group that wants to absorb and learn about the space I come from, up with ideas of becoming so multi-faceted in order to achieve some great things in the world. But it's all vanity in the end. Well-intended vanity, but still delusion and its just too much outward effort to maintain for a soul who came here really just to be a beacon for people to sit with. 

Which reminds me when I was 22 or so and teaching, I trusted a little too much in this older guy who is respected in the spiritual community of North Carolina, who didn't quite understand that my frustration was coming from a pure place: "Sometimes I have this strong desire to just sit on a slab 24/7, and have people come and be with me. I feel a power arise in me when I am with people that isn't there when I'm by myself."

He took this to mean I was looking for power over/from others and basically abruptly shut me out of that community. It was a good lesson not to always trust people know where I come from and that I have to be careful with my words if I care at all about being understood in the slightest. But that's all becoming immaterial at this point anyway.

Facing myself, making decisions, simplifying my life

I have come to a clear halt, faced myself deeply, and it was really really rough (the darkness retreat, plus some days after) especially the part where I had to permanently let go of the people in my life, and myself as a sociable creature who loves people to death and always sees their greater potential/Self and wants them to know this.

I literally had to sever any and all attachment I had to anyone else's well being. The end of the Bodhisattva principle in me which has anchored me in the human realm for as long as it did. Now I can finally drop the Clark Kent actor and admit that I am Superman. :)

Which reminds me just as a quick addition, that one of the other main reasons I have always scattered my focus when around other people (which has been almost 24/7 so I had lost significant touch with how powerful my true Samadhi-state actually feels) was that I wanted to avoid becoming the guru. I wanted to blend in as another person that people can be friends with and feel comfortable around. One of the main distortions this collective carries with it, is the belief that it is possible to be less than someone else, and we are, perhaps genetically programmed to look up to Gods and worship idols and masters.

To minimize the distortions of this type of dynamic happening in the people around me, I would always act more silly, or stupid, or like I had more problems and challenges than I actually did, just so they could feel more comfortable and it would avoid them distracting themselves from their own journeys because they would potentially be mesmerized if I were to be in Samadhi all the time. It is, quite mesmerizing and magnetic after all. Hard to resist for any creature. If you're coming to the Netherlands retreat in July, or to our future property/center, you'll experience the power of it first hand if you haven't already in full. I am no longer holding back. And random people around me have started noticing. I'll tell you more about this in Part 2.

But in pretending like I was more distorted than I actually was, I actually became more distorted than I would have liked. Just subtle tensions that would develop into complexities that were adding to the burden I felt, and consequently increased the contrast I felt between my True Self, or Home, and 'being here' with 'these people.' But, again, I can no longer maintain this illusory separation from my True Self and had to do some serious work to in a short period of time get rid of almost a decade worth of pretending and taking on other people's frequencies and comfort zones, and the subtle conditionings that this had left in my energetic system. And like I said, I am not done yet. I am going to see this through all the way until my statelessness is uninterrupted. I don't care how long it takes, I'm sticking with it until there is nothing to stick with and all is completely resolved and gone beyond permanently.

But even in this early stage of my transition, my samadhis have already been taking leaps and bounds in comparison to before. I already no longer relate to Bentinho, his ways, the life he created, or his name. I feel greatly detached from almost everything. And I feel fairly confident that I can sit with an audience again soon enough without getting pulled out of my true state of Beingness in the least, even if I may still be working on making the jump from God/Consciousness/Beingness to the Absolute Infinite One permanent. This one is still super novel and a bit tricky to click into. It's so crazy subtle it's insane. And I don't wish to speak to much on behalf of it until I have become more established in it, yet I've already written down pages of sutras that describe the narrow path to walk to make the jump from experience-land to Infinite Oneness. It's the gateway out of Creation. Unending bliss and presence-deafening silence with no effort whatsoever. Ah man, don't get me started. I know I keep saying this, but more on this will come in Part 2.

I have been making environmental changes to my life and made a few promises to myself to restrict me from falling into my old tendencies until I have established myself firmly in God and Beyond. Until every last thing that I am not has been absorbed into my True Nature. I am planning to move away from Boulder to this new location, perhaps sell all my stuff, and live simply with little to no distractions and little to no promises to anybody. I need to disappear more out of life still until the whole concept of 'a life' has become foreign and insubstantial to me.

I'm going to return to Boulder for a week or two to clean some things up and take care of a failing business and its finances, handle a few logistics, but I plan to return to the area I am in now which I was called so palpably by recently, to continue my departure from myself. It requires me to say goodbye to everything I have ever known, and every dream I have ever had for myself or humanity. Ah, the bliss of homecoming. 

I have dropped most of the tendencies and attachments or connections or conditions that bound me to this worldly experience, but there are subtler tendencies that still pull me out of my Samadhi. And I crave for it now, I feel the gravitational pull, of finally allowing myself to reach completion. And I got to drop everything. Everything has to go for this to be successful. I just know it. And I'm happy to spend as much alone time and practice time as I need to immortalize my state of unwavering unity-awareness, and beyond that my statelessness. A simpler environment is of so much aid at this timing.

And yet, even in this space of focus and freedom, like I said a new vision did arise during the darkness retreat, but of its own accord. And with no attachment to outcome (but I'm very vigilant to make sure every tendency like that is immediately discarded/severed/loved to death) I am allowing my body to act on the steps when they arise. To answer the calling but without any sense of being the one responsible for its manifestation.

A New Vision - But Without the Responsibility

When feeling into this place that was unexpectedly calling me, visions of a place to be together with those truly desiring freedom more constantly in retreat-mode came to my mind, like a center, and I saw a location on a map, and exact elements of this property to be. The vision came in with great clarity and force, yet felt effortless.

I saw some of the people that would come and the sheer presence and devotion and mastery that would be stimulated there on a daily basis for so many. Like a constant satsang and training environment where we can take dedicated people and really guide them all the way into quantum leaps in their development simply by having the right environment, facilitation and presence.

I saw that besides my own satsangs from this new space I'm transitioning into which will be much more quiet, and it doesn't seem like the Bentinho as you've seen him project himself before will be there anymore, but perhaps an empty shell of it will remain with bouts of that same personality from time to time, but it won't be steered by me. I won't be that.

Others will be offering guidance and classes there as well. With enough interest, it could have a daily schedule ranging from therapeutic yoga (think Ayla), to practical 'get-over-yourself' empowerment sessions (think Anurag), to guiding the finer more personal and interpersonal explorations of empowerment/enlightenment (think Ryan), to satsang with whatever remains with this body when I'm fully absorbed and effectively no longer am. And I have a couple of others in mind who would be endorsed to teach/guide at this center.

Local people could come daily to be in satsang together. People from out of town could rent something on our property for a season, some could be there on a more permanent basis perhaps, and in addition to the ongoing nature of this being in Truth together, we could schedule specific weeks where hundreds of people come come and stay for a week in the vicinity and attend every day. But I want to create a space where there is a more continuous nature to the sessions and the being together in like-spirit, because it would enable us to go so much farther as individuals moving into God Consciousness, as well as as a people, a society, a community.

I kept seeing clearly how with the right environment, this community could truly become something the world has never seen before in no time, and will be of great service in its transition. A new society. Instead of me doing it, why not just be with you guys and give you everything you need to do the work, you young sprouts who still have some earthly life left in you ;-). May you be as ambitious as I used to be, but with the new clarity I will be able to offer soon. Unless my new 'Self' decides not to do any of this, who knows, but given the history of this body, that seems unlikely. Prarabdha will likely continue its momentum even with me fully absorbed and no longer in I AM land.

We could enjoy and demonstrate to the world vibrationally what it's like to be a fully realized 4th density community, plus elements of densities beyond the fourth integrated/offered as well. Think of how amazing this community already is, how much aligned knowledge it has gained and cultivated, and how ripe it is and how much potential it holds just waiting to explode and come to fruition as a group? Now create en environment where from the moment you wake up to the moment you rest yourself in your bed, you are reminded of the One Infinite Creator and its beautifully transitioning Earthly creation that you share together in empowered consciousness filled to the brim with pure beingness and yet collaborative endeavors out of joyous inspiration in service to all.

The power and energetic brightness I saw coming off of this place placed a natural bubble of light around it that made things inside this reality work at a different vibration and speed and consciousness than anywhere else in the world. Nothing can enter there that is not of a fourth density vibration and here to serve beneficially. And simultaneously I saw this would serve as a powerful Beacon, using the superconductor called Earth to spread these healing and upgrading vibrations into the collective and into nature. It was a truly gorgeous view to behold. A new Shambhala of sorts.

I also saw how this would be constantly live-streamed so people from afar could tune in and tens of thousands of people could join us in this pure space devoted to making us all powerful servants of and for the One Infinite Creator and its Creation.

When I came out of darkness, I looked up properties in this area that's been calling me, and I found a property that would suit our needs, had almost all the elements that were in my vision, looked incredibly similar, and sits at the exact location I was shown. I am checking out the property today, and if it feels like the right fit, I will start contacting some potential investors, or let it come however it wants to. I may even make another humble attempt to rally the troops in our Facebook group we have to see who wants to contribute to this tangible creation. It'll be expensive, but it'll be the center of everything to come. An anchor for the New Earth vibrations to stream into our atmosphere and into the earth, for we will act as a receiving antenna as well as a grounding beacon. 

I have dropped my sense of responsibility for creating anything btw, now creation happens because it wants to happen on its own. I do not carry any of the weight. I am free from Creation. I just show up in the illusion when called, and recede back into my Samadhi when not needed. The Bodhisattva principle is almost entirely out of my system. But just to be sure, I'm going to remain by myself for as long as is necessary. Deepen my absorption with Pure Awareness and the One beyond that. I want to no longer have any tendencies left that return me to the view of 'being.'

Coming up in Part 2...

Ok I think this is enough for now. Part 2 will follow soon. Not all may understand or believe what I state in part 2, and it goes against a lot of people's enlightenment experiences and beliefs, in fact when in a more human mode I even start doubting it, that's how different it is when you're 'there'. Even after all my explorations into being Awareness and Higher states of Consciousness, and Emptiness, and nothingness... this is a completely different state.

So that when I am more in the experience of being here, now, as an awake consciousness/human being for too long, I can subtly start to doubt the sutras I've been writing down, but then it kicks in again, is revealed again, and it blows everything out of the water. It reveals God Consciousness and Creation to be delusion. I want to stabilize there so I can reliably offer this to whomsoever seeks it. Not many will understand. But it is worth the attempt, for its effects on the world if completed are bigger than that of a nuclear explosion, but in a spiritually auspicious way.

And in the right environment, and with the right consistent guidance and presence to facilitate this intense, narrow pathway into Graduation from Creation, it may work for many more. After all, anything is possible. You just have to be genuinely ready and know that you really don't understand this other thing yet. You can't understand it from within Creation/Beingness/Consciousness. This humility is the first step towards opening yourself up to glimpse it, and possibly stabilize in it if you are ready. But first, let me walk this talk before I talk the walk.

Thanks for having been a part of Bentinho's life and for helping facilitate my transition away from him being necessary, and into uninterrupted divinity. May whatever of me remains be of service to you.

And to the keen follower of my life/work, you will have noticed that the prediction I made for myself nearly two years ago when I announced I would stop my weekly teachings in Boulder, is exactly what is happening now. Just a year later than estimated. The bodhisattva in me is strong, hehe.

Much love to you all.

Are You Your Body? - Find Out Using This Self-Realization Technique

Practically all our suffering--subtle or apparent--comes from believing we are our body. As soon as we assume we are a body, we assume our nature is a small, disconnected self. What follows is a barrage of painful lack beliefs that keep compounding, causing us more discomfort and tension as we go.

To the adept--whose desire it is to become ever more free of suffering until freedom from suffering reigns supreme--it is of the essence to spend awareness on the direct realization that the being (you) is not the body. Many people have an image of this when I say it, but few enjoy the direct experience of it.

Understanding Our Conditioning

The notion of being the body is picked up gradually and unconsciously as we grow up. First, we see our parents looking down at our bodies seemingly affirming over and over again that there is an existence which resides in our bodies.

They start calling our bodies by names. As we learn to walk we focus on learning to use our muscles and balancing our bodies. It's a relentless process that requires all our focus on the body. Without learning to use the body, we realize don't seem to get anywhere we feel like getting. We feel tied to and dependent on the body's limitations.

When the body is uncomfortable, we feel it intimately, and our genetics will give us signals--physically conditioned and passed down since ancient times--that we should be alert and seek greater comfort to ensure the survival of the body.

By the time we are 6 years old, our notion of being the body is already so completely programmed into our unconscious mind--even without anyone having ever told us that we are the body, but purely by moving it around and looking at other bodies--that a simple statement by a spiritual scripture stating "You are not your body." generally isn't enough to release this mental construct from us and take with it the suffering that this idea constantly generates.

If we want to be (more) free from suffering, we need practice. Consistent practice that involves deconstructing this idea and seeing with great clarity that it simply isn't the truth.

Here's one technique to help you get closer to the bliss-state-without-a-body, also known as Self-Realization. And remember, waking up to this is only the beginning. Awakening to something quickly grows old if not followed up with deeper realization, until the identification drops off completely and Freedom alone Is.

Exercise: Taking the Body out of the Mind

>>Phase One (2-5 minutes): Relax your mind. Enter a receptive, open-minded, meditative state. Take a couple of breaths to release the grosser tensions in the body. Relax your ideas and sense of time. Rest into the experience of Now... Once you feel calm, move to Phase Two.

>>Phase Two (7-15 minutes): Notice your body; the sensation of having it. The visual outline that your mind comes up with when it thinks of or refers to your body. 

Now imagine your right index finger is severed or that it just fell off. Make this a peaceful, painless visualization. Imagine the visual and the sensation of not having this finger attached to your body.

Now imagine picking up this finger and looking at it. Ask yourself: "Is this finger me? Am I inside this finger?" Then clearly, with vivid awareness realize that obviously it is not. Imagine the finger disappearing into nothingness, leaving no trace of its existence.

Repeat the same process of imagination with your right middle finger. Your ring finger. Your pinky. Your thumb. Now repeat the same process on the left hand. Keep seeing clearly that obviously you are not contained in/by/as that particular part of the body.

Then cut off your right hand at the wrist and repeat the same question as you look at your right hand, detached from your body. Then the left hand. 

Then the following body parts, and keep repeating the same visualization, staying relaxed, awake and present to the inquiry and the consequent realizations:

  • Right forearm.
  • Left forearm.
  • Right upper arm. 
  • Left upper arm.
  • Left leg.
  • Right leg.
  • Imagine your genitals being taken out of your body.
  • Your lower upper body (navel down).
  • Imagine your heart being taken out of your chest.
  • Chest/romp entirely removed from the base of the neck.
  • Neck removed from the head.

Now you are just a floating head. Or maybe you are a head on the floor. Feel this for a second. It comes with an interesting sensation. There is a clarity and release of body-attachment at this stage of the imagination process already present. Enjoy the feeling of freedom as you feel more and more like you are simply becoming Awareness itself, floating without a body.

Then finally, imagine your head getting crushed or simply disappearing into nothingness, leaving no trace in your visualized environment. Now it's just You. Naked, Aware, Shining You.

Clearly, you are not the body. You are Spirit. You are the Great Self. You are I-I. You are Free. Like Awake Space.

>>Phase 3 (for the rest of your life...): Enjoy your freedom. Repeat the exercise as necessary. Each time you will find deeper absorption into a very pleasant detachment and the world becoming a little bit more like a dream to you.

Once you've practiced going through all the steps and having arrived at the sense of Awareness free of a body/form, you can practice recalling this sensation/relaxation into Awareness-free-of-form and lock onto that clarity profoundly as you go grocery shopping or as you are talking to a friend. You could even consider practicing this until it is permanent for you. That'd be historic. I would come to your retreats.

Watch as no trouble gets to you upon experiencing the freedom of object-less Awareness. Freedom. Happiness. Effortlessness. Let go. Rest in this state until it is more and more obvious and apparent at all times.



To Live from a Room with No Walls - Conversation with a Friend

From a private conversation on 02/11/17:

Cory: I wanna hear about what's going on with you. I wanna understand.

Bentinho: In a nutshell perhaps this is the understanding you're looking for. If not we can talk in greater depth later:                        

I generally see so many points of view that it's hard to have a bias. It's hard to land on one particular point of view, statement or expression when you can see from a vast empty space that contains everything, and where each thing appears as an equally valid expression of truth, or of the Infinite.

So imagine coming from that space, it's impossible to express yourself truthfully without staying silent. The truest expression of my being which would be the closest representation of how I see life in each moment, would be to remain quiet and vast, all-inclusive, all-embracing, spacious, loving. In that state of radiating the vastness, I don't generally appear very 'human' or 'interactive.'

But sometimes life calls for an expression. Oftentimes actually. If I were to remain silent all the time I would forsaken/ignore the aspect of my incarnation which is here to stand up for certain things and be an example of being 'someone'. Me expressing myself in specific forms and ways is foundational to certain portions of my teachings which I feel genuinely benefit people.

The predicament here for me is that expressing myself outwardly in the form of speech, taking a stance, making a statement or in any other way of expressing myself as having a point of view... it just never feels truthful to who I am. It always feels like I'm method acting. It may feel partially true, or it may feel relevant as a balancing act towards my environment or revealing of the taboos or biases that are subconsciously held in the recipients of my self-expression, but at the heart of it: any expression--any stance--is a deviation from who I really am and how I really see life.

I can never express myself authentically completely. My beingness is complete. Its radiance is complete, but as soon as I use any of my vehicles (mental/emotional/speech/physical bodies) I become partial, I have to distort myself to some degree; I become 'human.' And that's totally okay and it's a part of why I am here: to get my hands dirty where necessary. I'm not here to portrait myself as perfect, flawless, godliness. I will inevitably be seen as 'being human' as a result of the expressions I allow to come through my bodies. It just never feels completely true.

The thing is, I have to act in total congruency with my chosen stance or balancing act in each of these expressions, or there would be no power behind the expression. It would not be convincing. It has to be 'real.' It would feel empty or fake or powerless otherwise. So in order to achieve this, I have agreed to become an embodiment of the expression that needs to come through. It'll appear to be who I am in that moment. It'll use all of my bodies to execute that expression. I will feel the emotion, I will have the thoughts, and I will speak and have the bodily and facial expressions to go with the point of view that wants to express something, be an example of something, or defend/balance something.

Once I've made the choice to express something because I feel that the ripples it will cause are beneficial in some way, even when I know it's about to get messy and my image may get tainted, I have to allow all my bodies (spiritual, mental, emotional, energetic, physical) to line up in accordance with that expression, or it wouldn't have the desired effect. And so I do. I quite literally and willingly 'become human.'

The inevitable consequence of this—unless the recipients of this expression know the same space I come from within themselves and can see through the method acting—is that I will be perceived and identified by the recipients to be the person behind what I just expressed. They generally think it comes from a place of confusion or personal need. The tricky part in this is that although I have let go of attachment to how people perceive me, there is another balance to maintain; which is that if I go too far in the partial expressions that I allow, and if I don’t balance it out with periods of appearing more flawless and remaining more silent, the likely result of this will be that people will no longer benefit from the teachings as much because they believe the teacher behind these teachings is a lunatic, or not walking his talk, or messed up. Which would practically undermine my entire life’s work up to this point and the benefit that it could continue to give to millions down the road.

In fact, there are already many people out there who have strict guidelines for how a spiritual teacher ought to appear, and I have crossed their lines a while ago.  They have decided to no longer directly benefit from my work. They have shut that window of potential benefit. They already believe I am who I expressed myself to be in a moment in the past, and they have given up on my work because that's the personality they think I am limited to.

I have never wanted to be attached to my self-image because it inhibits how of service I can be, but at the same time there is a wisdom and necessity to maintaining some form of control as not to undermine too much the work that I've created so far. But this is really not a personal attachment, it's simply being able to recognize that I came here to be of benefit, and to see that certain actions generate benefit to a certain extent, but these very same expressions of benefit, when not balanced or taken too far into the acting atmosphere can also cause greater detriment than benefit as they have the ability to undermine the value people perceive in this message. So as with everything, it's a balance. This one in particular is quite subtle and involves so many little bells and whistles that I have to admit I get confused every once in a while and need to really pause the process to catch up with everything that's happening.

Now all this doesn't mean that I don't have any personal challenges, for I do. I really AM a little energetically jaded recently and I have been recuperating from that. But even that is part of being of service as well as forming a part of my personal journey, for there's a deeper aspect to this impartial space choosing to express itself partially from time to time (or regularly when there's people around) because it seems to cause benefit in some way to do so. And that deeper level is that sometimes in order to express something that causes a ripple effect of learning and benefit into the community, I will have to become the result of a chain of cascading events that far supersede the more simple example of me expressing an opinion in a short moment for the benefit of balancing out some misperception that's hanging in the air.

This more comprehensive molding of my bodies sometimes will last for months or even years to have me reach a certain level of experience, learning or breakthrough or frustration, so that I can express the embodiment of that in a completely lived and weathered way toward the world as an example. In other words my bodies can pick up on ideas or imbalances and illnesses in such a way that it will have a function later on for the benefit of others, while also always of course teaching me greater clarity, precision, love, wisdom, oneness, and foreverness.

Not sure if this is the understanding you were looking for, but it may help clarify some of my behavior. Though I think I've expressed this to you or the team before.


Cory: That's great actually. I somehow forgot that. The stuff you've been posting lately feels so partial; so biased that it's hard to remember you're voluntarily entering a bubble reality in order to 'fully act something out' and extract the learning from it. That actually just sorta puts the whole thing to bed. 

With this stuff right now though specifically, do you already know what balance you're aiming toward? I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to, it might postpone or diminish the benefits for folks. After your response to my comment on your post it was just like okay yeah I believe him, this is all relevant, I don't know shit, and I wanna know what the higher perspective is. What's getting balanced with all this?

Bentinho: It's subtle and far reaching stuff, half of which I don't have conscious knowledge of because there are so many people affected by my public choices these days, and I don't know consciously half of what they are dealing with or how they take it or what cascading ripple effects it generates. The beautiful thing about this 'mechanism' of being a shepherding consciousness, a mirror to the collective, is that I get to feel whether or not the probable benefit outweighs the trouble.

In intuitively expressing statements that cause ripple effects, I can feel whether it's necessary and beneficial or not to be an expression of something even before I know exactly how it's going to be beneficial. I have learned to recognize it when a 'package of expression' comes to me that wants to come through my bodies and find its expression in the world, usually for the purpose of generating greater balance and/or expansion in a large group of people.

But there are certain effects I can share of which I am aware so far with my recent chain of expressions, and they're pretty easy to witness by simply seeing how people have responded to my last few posts on Facebook:

• People were triggered to think more for themselves.
• People felt inspired to think/create more for themselves.
• People were inspired to step up in one way or another as a community of co-creators.
• People were made to think how much they value an awakened civilization, and in what way they personally want to contribute to that and be a part of it.
• People re-prioritized their lives, or at least certain aspects of it.
• Some people allowed themselves more permission to feel like they own the teachings within themselves because I showed a more human process.
• People were empowered to feel different degrees of compassion for another human being (me mostly in this case, but it increases their ability to feel compassion for all of life).
• People were able to pull me off some of their subconscious pedestals and really own their own power.
• People were able to relate to me more and open their own hearts and vulnerability/love more as a result.

There are many other effects but these are the general once I've observed so far.


Cory: Nice yeah that does feel like the main 'result' so far — people getting empowered and taking more ownership of their lives. 

Jesus so I'm starting to sense this a little-- it feels scary as hell. Like your 'human' is going through the ringer, and you know it's about to go down and be hard and trigger people and be unpopular and make you look bad, but it feels true so you don't even question it. You just rest in the confidence that it's for the best and you patiently observe the effects along with the rest of us? It's like an utter detachment from the human experience, but it looks the opposite. Lord. I've heard you talk about this stuff before but to feel it now is daunting / contracting. So really you're just sitting back, so confident and identified with the 'real you'-- the nonhuman you-- that none of the human drama or repercussions or negative feedback lands for you? You just know to follow it because it feels true? 

Makes me wonder tho like, when do you take feedback from people? Or do you not? Do you have any blindspots that others can expose for you?

Bentinho: All of the above feels true except I cannot say that none of the drama ever lands for me. My bodies are engaged in this process and so I am made to feel at least some of the repercussions of the initial expressions. It does land sometimes and even hits a personal note still at times. Especially when people don't seem to respond with any degree of understanding the deeper reason behind the expression, when they lose utter faith in me as their beloved friend/teacher (which means I crossed their threshold of believability), when they display their blindness to anything but their own judgments, or when I get sucked in for a second tempted to respond from a place of partiality (I've learned to allow this less and less), or when friends don't understand it or support it and I feel the chosen expression causes a rift in my core circle of friends and co-creators.

This last version of the repercussions usually means I have to wait until the misperceptions get big enough, or the rift gets big enough, to where they initiate some kind of flawed behavior toward me that trigger a conversation, or until they simply initiate a conversation (which they are usually a bit scared of it seems). I generally don't feel I have the permission to interfere with their process of dealing with their projections of me. But in the meantime, the friendship and the ability to work together in any meaningful way is severed until further notice.

Since some version or level of this partial expression and the consequent projections are generally always going on, having the experience of real friends is a bit of a rare commodity for me. But I happily accept this consequence as it allows me to be of service more than if I were to play it safe and always seem consistent outwardly. Maybe that time of silence or absence of any significant partial expressions will come some day, when I can no longer carry the energetic repercussions of playing with the mud, or when it feels no longer of service, and resign to complete absorption as I no longer make my vehicles available for these energetic requests from the collective. We'll see.

As to your question regarding whether I take feedback or not: 

I do take feedback to heart, and it does allow me to see more of myself, it just rarely is the way people think it is. So they may point something out in me that they think comes from an unconscious place, but it generally doesn't. Then I learn something else as a result of their interaction with me, or their mistrust of me, which shows me something or teaches me more about how to be even cleaner in these types of situations next time, how to take things even less personally. But yes the feedback people give me seems to rarely be as it seems. Rarely is it accurate. I always have to dig through to find something else valuable in the feedback that was not directly stated. But I do generally take it to heart and extract benefit/learning from it.              

And what has always seemed tricky to me to admit and to fully surrender to is that oftentimes it actually seems that by me not even considering people's feedback, I actually remain the purest and cleanest that I can during such a process. The more I take on other people's views, the more the original intention tends to be obscured or distorted along the way. So during this process over the past decade or so, I have learned to trust myself more and more because every time I mistrust myself and take people's feedback to mean something about myself, I tend to wobble or not be as effective or clear as I can be. But there is this thing in our society, this fear of people who don't take feedback, and I think I've taken that too heart a little too much: that in order to remain a good, pure human being, you have to take everybody's feedback seriously. Especially as a spiritual teacher this has been ingrained in me by the spiritual community from an early age onwards. Sometimes I find I am still shedding layers of insecurity which I can trace back to this sense of mistrust of myself because that's what has been necessary to completely scrutinize myself and make sure I kept being pure in my intentions and actions. But nowadays, this seems less and less useful. And it's a tad scary to fully submit to this realization, for it could potentially mean I lose more of my connection to how people see life. Which can be both a good and a risky thing. It can make one ungrounded.

So it's a tricky balance because one also doesn't want to completely decide that one is always right and other people simply don't get this yet until they reach true emptiness of self. I have to walk a thin line between knowing I can always see more about myself and thus welcoming any reflections of others I can get, and on the other hand trusting myself so fully that my initial impulse/intuition gets distorted as little as possible by other people's thoughts and opinions along the way. It's quite the puzzle sometimes, but the challenge has made me who I am today. It teaches me undying faith in my true Self/God/Source.

I'm grateful for my public life. I cannot imagine being just a single person living in concern of only its own life. That'd be way too simple/boring for my mind. I think I'd go more crazy in that type of an existence than my mirroring public life could ever cause me to become. [knock on wood]